Op-Eds the New York Times should also run, ranked

"All Takes Matter"

1. “The Secret Service Should Frag Donald Trump” by Mike Pence and Melania Trump

2. “If George Floyd Wanted to Live, He Shouldn’t Have Resisted That Police Officer’s Knee” by the Police Benevolent Association of the City of New York

3. “They Wanted It” by Bill Cosby

4. “Everyone at the New York Times is a Pedophile. And We are Coming For You” by Q

5. “I Really Wish Someone Decent Had Been President Between 2008 and 2016” by Barack Obama

6. “You Need a Haircut As Soon as Possible” by the Novel Coronavirus

7. “Age of Consent Laws are Holding Back Well-Developed Teenage Girls” by James Woods 

8. “Are We Sure the Holocaust Was a Crime?” by David Duke

9. “Three Cheers for Derek Chauvin” by Dylan Roof

10. “My Daddy Says I’m a Big Boy And He Loves Me” by Donald Trump Jr.

11. “I Was Wrong. They Were Real. But The Sandy Hook Kids Deserved It” by Alex Jones

12. “Women Are Liars And Everyone Knows It” by Harvey Weinstein

13. “We’re On Our Way to Your Town Right Now” by Antifa

14. “You Can Keep Passing Anti-Lynching Bills. I’m Going to Keep Fillibustering Them” by Rand Paul

15. “SpongeBob SquarePants is Hilarious. He Also Did 9/11” by Logan Paul

16. “The Constitution is Perfect. Except for the First, Fourth, Fifth, Sixth, Seventh, Eighth, Thirteenth, Fourteenth, Fifteenth, Nineteenth and Twenty-Fourth Amendments” by Brett Kavanaugh

17. “I Did Nothing Wrong in 2016” by Vladimir Putin

18. “The Real Crime is That Cell Phones Have Cameras” by the Buffalo Police Department

19. “We’re Doing Everything In Our Power To Make Sure Grandma Knows Who Candace Owens Is” by Mark Zuckerberg

20. “Disappeared? No, No, Our Minorities Are Just On Vacation For A While” by Xi Jinping

21. “This Country Was Built on Free Labor. Let’s Make America Great Again By Bringing That Back” by Jeff Bezos

22. “How to Make Finding Out Systemic Racism Exists Part of Your Very Public Social Media Journey of Personal Growth” by white women

23. “Hitler Was a Bad Guy, But …” by Laura Ingraham

24. “When I Said What I Said, I Didn’t Realize Black People Also Served In the Military” by Drew Brees

25. “This Time, We’re Going to Sigh Very Deeply and Look Extra Concerned. That Should Fix Everything” by Ben Sasse and Susan Collins

26. “If I Know Anything, I Know That Martin Luther King Jr. Would Say That All Lives Matter” by Steve King 

27. Reading these op-eds in the newspaper before getting hit by a bus.

28. “We Don’t Know What the Fuck We’re Doing” by the New York Times

About Clever Name Here dba "Black Rod" 96 Articles
Vell, Clever Name Here just zis guy, you know? Sometimes funny. Often annoyed. Once I saw a blimp.


  1. “Humor is what happens when we’re told the truth quicker and more directly than we’re used to.” George Saunders.
    Clever Name, you are aptly named. So darn clever.

  2. A signed editorial:

    “Yes, most of us live in civilized parts of New York or its tony suburbs, and who gives a flying fuck about what happens outside the dozen neighborhoods and towns we, like all decent people, live in. And plus also, Maggie Haberman has access to President Trump.”

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