People to Call for Computer Advice, Ranked


  2. Any other of your friends who tell you to ask YOUR VERY KNOWLEDGEABLE, TRUSTWORTHY FRIEND!!!!!

  3. Yourself as a DIY via Google searches (not recommended).

  4. The crazy person downtown you’ve always avoided for preaching misquoted bible verses and handing out pamphlets but now claims vaccines contain micro-chips.

  5. The person at work who claims to know their stuff but swears a virus has been eating their cookies.

  6. The psycho you met from Tinder who – with a glazed look over their eyes – insisted they swept left.

  7. The “greeter” at Best Buy who is really there to discriminate against people of colour ensure no one is stealing as they leave.

  8. Brent, your co-worker, who is covered in cookie crumbs and always needs help with the copier.

  9. Getting hit on the North Bridge by the Front-Side of a Rambus that even the “greeter” at Best Buy knew could never make it across the bridge in the fucking first place.

  10. Anyone who uses Apple products.

  11. Microsoft.
About myopicprophet 129 Articles
Kinja refugee. Rants often. Right sometimes.


  1. you should try linux!
    <runs away>

    • I use Unix for servers and Linux Mint-xfce for everything else.

      What distro do you use? @lochaber

      • currently running Pop! OS, mostly because it worked out-of-the-box for my current laptop.
        Was using LinuxMint for about a decade previously, but both that and manjaro had issues with my current laptop’s internet, and Pop! OS is working good enough for me…

  2. I ALWAYS put my trust in the @myopicprophet. He saved me from a total business meltdown. <3

  3. i just ask my brother…hes a code monkey…dude knows shit
    which makes it all the more fun to completely ignore everything he said and do whatever i want anyways coz i knows best
    really…i just needed a wrong opinion to validate my choice

  4. Sounds like someone has been getting one too many calls for free tech support.

  5. 12. Not me

  6. 10.  I am that guy.  My parents used to call me to help them with various computer and MS issues.  I didn’t mind till my mom and sister decided to be backseat network specialists which pissed me off so much one time that I didn’t speak to them for three weeks.  When I got my Mac, all my own computer issues went away.  I acted so smug and condescending (paying them back for their backseat advice) that they never called me again for computer issues.

    • Three weeks?  I go months without talking to my siblings, and I’m not even mad at any of them.

  7. [fart noise]

  8. I work in telecom and every time my parents can’t get the cable to work they call me and a great aunt likes to call me every time she thinks her internet speed should be faster. My parents like to complain to me regularly about their bill, too. 

    I have explained so many times that I don’t do any of those things for my job, they keep fucking bringing it up. 

  9. “I’ve given up all tech and move to an unelectrified Buddhist monetary on the Mekong River. This is actually the last bit of battery on my cell so thank you I can’t let anyone know if there’s an emergency now. Hey is that a tiger?”
    “I showed you how to do this four times and you’ve forgotten.” (Actually six times, plus ten more “get up and let me deal with it, it’s quicker that way”s) 

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