Yeah none of that will help things be done sooner.
This is what is so annoying with delays. People act like the delay is happening at the facility something is made at, the delay is getting the fucking components.
@bluedogcollar to me? The vax “hangover” is better. Now I am down to just the sinus migraines and back issues. I see a neuro spine guy in a few weeks to see about steroid shots…but apparently nothing is able to cure the pain in my neck from having to rise above and be supportive and leading when I really just want to smack down on a coworker. Plus I am beyond “fully tasked”. Ah well, employed is good, as is working from home. (Whine over.)
Operating w/o plans is SO incredibly in my wheelhouse, right now!😬😖😱🥴
Dad ended up in the hospital this past Saturday…
Apparently my father is part cat?!?!? And he simply *hides* any weakness, like, say… a GI bleed (with PLENTY of blood in his stool🙃🙃🙃), until/unless his NURSING staff notice blood on his toilet seat & ASK him about it.
On the other hand?
NOW it makes sense, why his Hemoglobin has been *so* bad, for the last few weeks🥴
Luckily, the hospitalist we ended up with yesterday (when they changed rotations) was the same guy who’d originally seen Dad in the ER, on Nov. 22 of last year… the guy who was FINALLY curious, like I was, about *WTAF is HAPPENING here?!?*
When he called to speak with me yesterday, ran through the list of Dad’s conditions (and we are seriously at the point where there are MASSIVE concerns with 5 *separate* “THIS could kill a person!” organs/body systems!), and that hospitalist said, “it may be time to start talking about hospice” i asked him to PLEASE make the referral, so we can get the process started.
That Doctor *did* seem a little surprised, that I’d acquiesced so easily–but when I explained that we’d started the talk, about “forks in the road”/”paths to take, when…” he understood why I’d agreed so fast, and he didn’t need to even *try* to convince me.
So Dad, my oldest uncle, & i met with the Hospice nurse, to talk options today, and then I met with that uncle & the REST of Dad’s siblings this afternoon, to talk about what we’d learned earlier.
Turns out (thank GOD!), we’re all on the same page, and ALL of us realize that this is it, Dad is tired, and his time is coming up, sooner than any of us want, but that he is so tired, and the only right option we have, is to make it as easy as we can on him, when *whichever* body system it’s going to be, gives out.
Because, having faced the possibility of Pancreatic Cancer, back when I was 28-30, and reading both the Pancreatic Cancer *and* bereavement boards on that web blog I used to read *every* day, trying to understand what that damn lump in my pancreas meant, I DO know a decent amount of the “this person is beginning the downhill roll,” signs….
And Dad is DEFINITELY beginning his own roll down that hill.
He’s eating, but *not* that much. He’s TIRED, he’s pale (that low hemoglobin) he’s winded easily, not coughing with the force/pressure he *used* to have, is less steady on his feet, and his feet & legs are both *swelling,* and incredibly sore most of the time, now…
Whether HE knows it, or not, his body is beginning to fail, and things are gonna start shutting down, any time now.
I am SO *not* ready for him to go.
But I ALSO know that no one ever feels “ready” for losing their parents–and I’ve gotten so incredibly LUCKY so MANY times over, when it comes to “bonus rounds” where I *should* have already lost him–and that this chance–even if it’s just hours-to-days, is SUCH an incredible gift to get to do with him💖💞💝💫
Don’t get me wrong–it’s gonna be HARD, and it’s gonna be hell, too.
But I’m SO lucky, to have knowledge of what’s coming, to have HAD the medical team around Dad that we have–KNOWING that they looked at nearly ALL the options (we never *did* bother with a bone-marrow biopsy, to check for cancer, but that’s because with it being those *FIVE* organ systems *plus* dementia, doing that biopsy seemed more cruel & unnecessary that *really* needed.💞
I don’t *like* what’s coming (no one does!), but I feel as prepared as anyone can be, for “shit coming down the road!”
And I’m SO grateful, that I know sooooo many good folks–especially here in meatspace, who’ve traveled this path, and who are all coming out, to talk, reach out, and help Dad & I, as we head there.💔💖💝
I’ve been there with my late friend. I selfishly wanted my friend to be alive longer, but he was so damn miserable that when he finally died peacefully in his sleep, I was glad there was some relief/ending of his pain.
Outside of his brother’s family, I was the only one who knew how bad my friend’s condition was. His friends (who didn’t know or understand) were still not getting how bad of a state he was in (and their ignorance is why I never tore a strip off any one of them or throttled them for some of the dumb/ignorant comments they made.)
I heard comments about how cold/distant I was. Maybe, but I had already had to make peace with my friend and myself over his death. Intellectually, death is easy to deal with. Emotionally is another story. I had 4 months to prepare for the inevitable. That’s why a lot of them are still coming to grips with my friend’s death.
Trust, dude, that there REALLY isn’t any “wrong” here😉
Did I ever tell the “Grammaburgers?!?” story ’round these parts?😉😆😂🤣
Dying SUCKS, it’s difficult on *everyone,* and it’s sad… but there are also moments in & around it, which are funny, silly, and downright absurd & goofy, too.
And, tbh, I am 100% one of those folks who does & needs to find the silly/ absurd/ humorous parts, in order to keep on going, & get to the other side of that grief process.😉💖💝
It’s weird, and a bit funny (odd-funny, not haha-funny), lately, how time feels like it’s being drawn out…
I’m pretty glad, for it, though, because I have the feeling it’ll all end up going by fairly quickly in “linear time.” But *so far,* in this strange “drawn-out timeline,” last Saturday & Sunday already feel like they happened more than a week ago, this past Monday was 3 days long, Tuesday took a good 2-3 days to pass, and I’ve already had about a whole day, so far this morning😉
It’s incredibly Jeremy-Bearimy/ wibbly-wobbly, rather than linear, right now, and I’m feeling so grateful for that “extension” of time with him.
Because it *does* feel like somehow we’ve slipped into a spot where there is somehow “bonus time” or some “extra hours” that have been magically added to each day–so that even though we’re most likely down to days here, it’ll *FEEL* like we had so much longer to say these goodbyes💖
All in all, I’m just incredibly lucky, right now, is all.
There was a LOT of loss & *multiple* deaths, which happened in/around my life, from my mid-teens, through my early 20’s, that I STRUGGLED with, and ending up having some of my *own* depression from (other factors, like the un diagnosed ADHD & ASD, with that depression!!! But feeling like folks were “dropping like flies!” to quote my auntie 20-ish years after it😉, ADDED immensely & compounded my ADHD & ASD stuff into full-blown depression for around 4 years)…
And *because* of ^that^ along with 1. Seeing how wonderful hospice can be (when my Auntie died of breast cancer), and then alllll those years I thought my butt groove was going to be in the field of Child Life–where death & dying, and helping families THROUGH the grieving process *can* be part of the job–i had to *take* classes on Death & Dying, so I’ve had *both* some personal experience, and the literal college courses, where I discovered tools & books to help folks *navigate* grief & the dying process💖💞💝
It just happens, that *I’m* the one (along with family members) who are navigating this time. But those books & resources help–as does the advice & talking with the great folks i know who *have* done this walk before me.
Knowing that this IS a natural part of life, and that *everyone* who LOVES someone else eventually walks this path, makes it so MUCH less scary💖
I always have a plan going in, but I have learned many many times no plan survives first contact with the enemy/reality so it might seem I’m doing things on the fly, but I always always have a back up (and a back up for my back up) which looks a lot like improvising but its not.
Like for instance, yesterday night was Diwali (Festival of Light a major holiday for a lot of folks of Indian descent) AND I needed to replace my lost passport before my trip to the US in Nov. How are they connected? Well, I went to the passport office this morning at 9am and took advantage of 50% less people in the lineup that there would normally be and got my passport application approved in less than 3 hours (which was the norm pre CoVID) as opposed to the 5-6 hour horror stories in the news (my friends and coworkers told me to go at 6am so I could be done by 10am! I didn’t because I had a hard time getting up.)
See? Thinking.
Today, my bosses found out I was the one who prevented an entire drug campaign going belly up because I read the instructions unlike a team lead and a couple of coworkers who are going to get in shit. I couldn’t save them because they already did the batch…
Again, thinking.
And I’m going on a day trip Sat to Kingston to meet up with a close friend I haven’t seen in person in 7 years. Got my plan already ahead. Booked a rental car (my Nissan Leaf won’t/can’t travel the 300+ km to Kingston) and have some places where we might go. It’s a day trip because it also happens to be Queen’s Homecoming Weekend and there’s no hotel/motel that’s cheap or available. Also I want to get back home as I have a short weekend due to shift change.
He’s all switched over, from the regular care, to the Hospice team now, and we’re SO lucky, because he’s already *in* a skilled nursing/nursing home facility, he just gets to STAY in his room (where he IS so comfortable, because it’s “his space”), and doesn’t need to be moved anywhere through the rest of this💖
We have a new foster dog. Nice boy, but holy moly does he have disgusting drool. Like, Nobel Chemistry Prize-winning elastic polymers in there.
You gotta keep a drool cloth handy for those thick lipped pups!
The first night and the monster jumped on the couch and started licking my face. Just me, though.
I get this a lot nowadays:
<“Hi, the supply chain fubar is wreaking havoc on us. We can’t make the original ship dates, you’re now looking at XYZ.”
>”That’s unacceptable. You need to come up with a recovery plan now!”
<“That is with the recovery plan.”
>”Not good enough. I’m sending people to your office to expedite you!”
<“That…doesn’t help, because it diverts working time from our core tasks.”
>”I’m your expeditor. Call your vendors and put them on speaker and get them to commit to the best dates now!”
<“Fuck no. Putting my guys on the spot guarantees I have one less vendor, just like you’re fixing to have one less vendor.”
Yeah none of that will help things be done sooner.
This is what is so annoying with delays. People act like the delay is happening at the facility something is made at, the delay is getting the fucking components.
Sorry about no picture at first, I had issues getting it to work on my phone. I am reasonably sure it was just operator error!
Nice to see you, Holy Hand Grenade.
As for fubar, well, that’s any day which ends in y of late. ( sighs and rolls eyes)
Are things better with the aches ‘n’ pains?
@bluedogcollar to me? The vax “hangover” is better. Now I am down to just the sinus migraines and back issues. I see a neuro spine guy in a few weeks to see about steroid shots…but apparently nothing is able to cure the pain in my neck from having to rise above and be supportive and leading when I really just want to smack down on a coworker. Plus I am beyond “fully tasked”. Ah well, employed is good, as is working from home. (Whine over.)
Ooh, hadn’t remembered there was more than the shots. Good luck with the rest.
Operating w/o plans is SO incredibly in my wheelhouse, right now!😬😖😱🥴
Dad ended up in the hospital this past Saturday…
Apparently my father is part cat?!?!? And he simply *hides* any weakness, like, say… a GI bleed (with PLENTY of blood in his stool🙃🙃🙃), until/unless his NURSING staff notice blood on his toilet seat & ASK him about it.
On the other hand?
NOW it makes sense, why his Hemoglobin has been *so* bad, for the last few weeks🥴
Luckily, the hospitalist we ended up with yesterday (when they changed rotations) was the same guy who’d originally seen Dad in the ER, on Nov. 22 of last year… the guy who was FINALLY curious, like I was, about *WTAF is HAPPENING here?!?*
When he called to speak with me yesterday, ran through the list of Dad’s conditions (and we are seriously at the point where there are MASSIVE concerns with 5 *separate* “THIS could kill a person!” organs/body systems!), and that hospitalist said, “it may be time to start talking about hospice” i asked him to PLEASE make the referral, so we can get the process started.
That Doctor *did* seem a little surprised, that I’d acquiesced so easily–but when I explained that we’d started the talk, about “forks in the road”/”paths to take, when…” he understood why I’d agreed so fast, and he didn’t need to even *try* to convince me.
So Dad, my oldest uncle, & i met with the Hospice nurse, to talk options today, and then I met with that uncle & the REST of Dad’s siblings this afternoon, to talk about what we’d learned earlier.
Turns out (thank GOD!), we’re all on the same page, and ALL of us realize that this is it, Dad is tired, and his time is coming up, sooner than any of us want, but that he is so tired, and the only right option we have, is to make it as easy as we can on him, when *whichever* body system it’s going to be, gives out.
Because, having faced the possibility of Pancreatic Cancer, back when I was 28-30, and reading both the Pancreatic Cancer *and* bereavement boards on that web blog I used to read *every* day, trying to understand what that damn lump in my pancreas meant, I DO know a decent amount of the “this person is beginning the downhill roll,” signs….
And Dad is DEFINITELY beginning his own roll down that hill.
He’s eating, but *not* that much. He’s TIRED, he’s pale (that low hemoglobin) he’s winded easily, not coughing with the force/pressure he *used* to have, is less steady on his feet, and his feet & legs are both *swelling,* and incredibly sore most of the time, now…
Whether HE knows it, or not, his body is beginning to fail, and things are gonna start shutting down, any time now.
I am SO *not* ready for him to go.
But I ALSO know that no one ever feels “ready” for losing their parents–and I’ve gotten so incredibly LUCKY so MANY times over, when it comes to “bonus rounds” where I *should* have already lost him–and that this chance–even if it’s just hours-to-days, is SUCH an incredible gift to get to do with him💖💞💝💫
Don’t get me wrong–it’s gonna be HARD, and it’s gonna be hell, too.
But I’m SO lucky, to have knowledge of what’s coming, to have HAD the medical team around Dad that we have–KNOWING that they looked at nearly ALL the options (we never *did* bother with a bone-marrow biopsy, to check for cancer, but that’s because with it being those *FIVE* organ systems *plus* dementia, doing that biopsy seemed more cruel & unnecessary that *really* needed.💞
I don’t *like* what’s coming (no one does!), but I feel as prepared as anyone can be, for “shit coming down the road!”
And I’m SO grateful, that I know sooooo many good folks–especially here in meatspace, who’ve traveled this path, and who are all coming out, to talk, reach out, and help Dad & I, as we head there.💔💖💝
I’ve been there with my late friend. I selfishly wanted my friend to be alive longer, but he was so damn miserable that when he finally died peacefully in his sleep, I was glad there was some relief/ending of his pain.
Outside of his brother’s family, I was the only one who knew how bad my friend’s condition was. His friends (who didn’t know or understand) were still not getting how bad of a state he was in (and their ignorance is why I never tore a strip off any one of them or throttled them for some of the dumb/ignorant comments they made.)
I heard comments about how cold/distant I was. Maybe, but I had already had to make peace with my friend and myself over his death. Intellectually, death is easy to deal with. Emotionally is another story. I had 4 months to prepare for the inevitable. That’s why a lot of them are still coming to grips with my friend’s death.
Thanks for understanding Manchu, although I’m also sorry, that you HAVE had the experience that let’s you understand *so* well.💞💝💫
It fucking SUCKS, annnnd–like you know–knowing they’re finally free of their frail, failing, meat-cage, IS definitely a true good, too!💖
as im incredibly gifted at saying all the wrong things to this kind of post…ill just go with
Thanks, Farscy!
Trust, dude, that there REALLY isn’t any “wrong” here😉
Did I ever tell the “Grammaburgers?!?” story ’round these parts?😉😆😂🤣
Dying SUCKS, it’s difficult on *everyone,* and it’s sad… but there are also moments in & around it, which are funny, silly, and downright absurd & goofy, too.
And, tbh, I am 100% one of those folks who does & needs to find the silly/ absurd/ humorous parts, in order to keep on going, & get to the other side of that grief process.😉💖💝
@emmerisNOTmy representativeIt’s rough but I’m glad you’re at peace with the decision. I’m here for you when you need me.
Thanks, Hannibal!
It’s weird, and a bit funny (odd-funny, not haha-funny), lately, how time feels like it’s being drawn out…
I’m pretty glad, for it, though, because I have the feeling it’ll all end up going by fairly quickly in “linear time.” But *so far,* in this strange “drawn-out timeline,” last Saturday & Sunday already feel like they happened more than a week ago, this past Monday was 3 days long, Tuesday took a good 2-3 days to pass, and I’ve already had about a whole day, so far this morning😉
It’s incredibly Jeremy-Bearimy/ wibbly-wobbly, rather than linear, right now, and I’m feeling so grateful for that “extension” of time with him.
Because it *does* feel like somehow we’ve slipped into a spot where there is somehow “bonus time” or some “extra hours” that have been magically added to each day–so that even though we’re most likely down to days here, it’ll *FEEL* like we had so much longer to say these goodbyes💖
I’m so sorry, and I have to say your thoughtfulness and understanding at this hard, hard time is really impressive.
Thanks, BDC💖
All in all, I’m just incredibly lucky, right now, is all.
There was a LOT of loss & *multiple* deaths, which happened in/around my life, from my mid-teens, through my early 20’s, that I STRUGGLED with, and ending up having some of my *own* depression from (other factors, like the un diagnosed ADHD & ASD, with that depression!!! But feeling like folks were “dropping like flies!” to quote my auntie 20-ish years after it😉, ADDED immensely & compounded my ADHD & ASD stuff into full-blown depression for around 4 years)…
And *because* of ^that^ along with 1. Seeing how wonderful hospice can be (when my Auntie died of breast cancer), and then alllll those years I thought my butt groove was going to be in the field of Child Life–where death & dying, and helping families THROUGH the grieving process *can* be part of the job–i had to *take* classes on Death & Dying, so I’ve had *both* some personal experience, and the literal college courses, where I discovered tools & books to help folks *navigate* grief & the dying process💖💞💝
It just happens, that *I’m* the one (along with family members) who are navigating this time. But those books & resources help–as does the advice & talking with the great folks i know who *have* done this walk before me.
Knowing that this IS a natural part of life, and that *everyone* who LOVES someone else eventually walks this path, makes it so MUCH less scary💖
I’m so sorry sweetie. Headed down that road with my mom as well.
IMHO, hospice nurses are amazing and I hope that they keep everyone comfortable in the coming months.
Uggggh, I’m SO sorry you’re dealing with it, with your Mom, too!💔💖💝
Hospice is AWESOME, and I hope things go as smoothly as possible for you all!💞💞💞
Plan
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T… UI always have a plan going in, but I have learned many many times no plan survives first contact with the enemy/reality so it might seem I’m doing things on the fly, but I always always have a back up (and a back up for my back up) which looks a lot like improvising but its not.
Like for instance, yesterday night was Diwali (Festival of Light a major holiday for a lot of folks of Indian descent) AND I needed to replace my lost passport before my trip to the US in Nov. How are they connected? Well, I went to the passport office this morning at 9am and took advantage of 50% less people in the lineup that there would normally be and got my passport application approved in less than 3 hours (which was the norm pre CoVID) as opposed to the 5-6 hour horror stories in the news (my friends and coworkers told me to go at 6am so I could be done by 10am! I didn’t because I had a hard time getting up.)
See? Thinking.
Today, my bosses found out I was the one who prevented an entire drug campaign going belly up because I read the instructions unlike a team lead and a couple of coworkers who are going to get in shit. I couldn’t save them because they already did the batch…
Again, thinking.
And I’m going on a day trip Sat to Kingston to meet up with a close friend I haven’t seen in person in 7 years. Got my plan already ahead. Booked a rental car (my Nissan Leaf won’t/can’t travel the 300+ km to Kingston) and have some places where we might go. It’s a day trip because it also happens to be Queen’s Homecoming Weekend and there’s no hotel/motel that’s cheap or available. Also I want to get back home as I have a short weekend due to shift change.
So…. thinking.
@emmerdoesNOTrepresent me, sending you hugs and caring thoughts. Been there…
Thanks, @Elliecoo!
He’s all switched over, from the regular care, to the Hospice team now, and we’re SO lucky, because he’s already *in* a skilled nursing/nursing home facility, he just gets to STAY in his room (where he IS so comfortable, because it’s “his space”), and doesn’t need to be moved anywhere through the rest of this💖