Potential Jeopardy! Hosts, Ranked

Mike Richards picked a bad guy last time, after all ...

Mike Richards is out as host of “Jeopardy!”  … but of course he gets to continue being the executive producer of the show. Nobody fails upward quite like a white guy! Any-whoooo, judging by how he came to his last decision on who should host, a short list of who I suspect he’s thinking of as the next host for one of network TV’s few good things:

1. Harvey Weinstein

2. Roman Polanski

3. Dick Cheney

4. Ben Roethlisberger

5. Bill Cosby

6. Milkshake Duck

7. Ghislaine Maxwell

8. Piers Morgan

9. Andrew Cuomo

10. Roseanne Barr

11. Thom Brennerman

12. R. Kelly

13. Ellen DeGeneres

14. Hulk Hogan

15. Don Jr.

16. A racist Twitch streamer you’ve never heard of

17. Reanimated Merv Griffin

18. Peter Thiel

19. Kevin Sorbo

20. Tucker Carlson

21. Marilyn Manson

22. Louis C.K.

23. The QAnon Shaman

24. Woody Allen

25. Michael Avenatti 

26. J.K. Rowling

27. Maggie Haberman

28. A bus that runs over people on stage

29. Joe Buck

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About Clever Name Here dba "Black Rod" 95 Articles
Vell, Clever Name Here just zis guy, you know? Sometimes funny. Often annoyed. Once I saw a blimp.

18 Comments

  1. Man, I haven’t really been keeping up with news for the last couple of weeks, but I just read up on the whole Jeopardy! drama, and goddamn. What an absolute prick. I can’t believe he’s staying on as a producer. Seems like it’s a done deal that Jeopardy! is going to be thoroughly ruined, with casting calls for attractive contestants and models framing the set. Trebek is turning over in his grave. 

    • It was the right outcome, but of course they had to show their entire asses by ploughing ahead with the offer and announcement after the public outcry and surfacing of The Price Is Right lawsuits. 
      Richards continuing on as EP is a joke, though. It means Merv Griffin Enterprises and Jeopardy! are OK with his conduct, but they don’t want him in front of the camera because they know people won’t like it. They hope you’ll be OK with his continued involvement if you simply cannot see his smug mug. 

  2. 30. Exhumed Roger Ailes. 
    31. Kimberly Guilfoyle (not as useless as DJTJ, but she’d be just as willing to harrass people and potential spokesmodels as any of this list). 

  3. The (other) Mike Richards (aka Kramer aka the guy who blew himself up at the Comedy Store as a racist) would have been a better choice than then live action Thunderbird Supermarionette named after him.
    He should be fired unceremoniously, but connected white guy privilege lives on and it really is showing untalented white guy privilege that he used his role in an attempt to fuck with the talented minority in the interview process.  One week vs everyone else’s two?

  4. While I appreciate you including Joe Buck, if you’re looking for “shitbag sports announcers associated with St Louis” you should really pick Bob Costas who is even a bigger shitbag. 

  5. I’m tired of homogenous white guys getting most of these gigs. Are we scared of a female or a POC hosting a cerebral television show? I think #28 above would be the most dynamic and entertaining option. 

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