Reasons Joe Biden has been invisible during the worst national crisis in decades, ranked

1. Home isn’t TV/webcam ready.

2. Nobody wants to hear criticism of the president in a time like this.

3. Holy shit, did his people really say No. 2.

4. Wow, they did.

5. Fuck. FUCK.

6. [deep drag on a cigarette even though I don’t smoke]

7. I get it, maybe he’s scared. This is a frightening time for anyone of that age or who is immunocompromised … or maybe he’s already sick? Uh oh.

8. Is it wrong that I hope the answer is he’s sick? Because that would be OK. That’s understandable. And he could get better.

9. Christ, no, he’s not going to use the …

10. OH FUCK HE’S USING THE STUTTERING EXCUSE AGAIN

11. [lights second cigarette while looking at Bernie Sanders campaign website and openly weeping]

12. He’s busy coming up with well-considered plans and ideas including “work with Republicans” and “launch a task force” and “means test some student loan forgiveness.”

13. My God, we tossed Elizabeth Warren overboard for that?

14. No, seriously, can we get Andrew “I’m a secretive Republican-light asshole with the thinnest skin in the world” Cuomo in there?

15. Like, tomorrow?

16. [pour myself a shot as the numbing realization I’m rooting for Andrew Cuomo slowly washes over me]

17. He’s definitely sick, right? That’s got to be it.

18. Getting hit by the realization that Joe Biden’s campaign is going to be a complete shitshow

19. I’m sorry, did you say “rape allegations against Joe Biden”?

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About Clever Name Here dba "Black Rod" 100 Articles
Vell, Clever Name Here just zis guy, you know? Sometimes funny. Often annoyed. Once I saw a blimp.

13 Comments

    • I have noted my complaints about the DNC and this entire campaign cycle, but honestly, I don’t understand how voters could look at 2020 Biden and be like “Yup, safe choice.”

      Whether or not the party would have decided to kill everyone Trolley Problem-style if Bernie got the votes (I mean, probably!) they didn’t even have to make the decision because people jumped on slightly-less-racist Grandpa because he … won a state he was expected to win?

  1. What’s going to be the weirdest fucking thing ever is when Joe Biden still manages to stumble ass backwards into the presidency, flailing and being incompetent the entire time. Like, if we’re doomed to repeat 2016 until we die, it’s only natural that we’d get our own version of Trump to contend with.

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