Reasons To Stay at Home Even if Your Dipshit Governor Says You Can Go Out

1.) You can still get sick, still spread the disease to your family and loved ones, and still potentially die, and a trip to the nail salon just isn’t worth that noise.

2.) You haven’t binged Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, and you should.

3.) Your significant thinks your uncut hair is sexy.

4.) You’ll be giving up a perfectly valid reason not to go to the gym.

5.) There are still so many bread recipes you haven’t tried to make yet!

6.) There’s still no toilet paper.

7.) You’ll remember that the only thing worse than staying inside with your kids all day is going out somewhere with your kids.

8.) You still haven’t binged Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, even though I just recommended it, and seriously, the fuck else are you gonna do?

9.) You could get hit by a bus.

10.) Because no one actually wants to go out. Despite what you may see on the news, the vast majority of polling shows that none of us are ready to go out yet, the number of confirmed cases and deaths are still going up, and face it; you’re starting to get used to being home.

11.) Because all this supposed “anti-lockdown” crap is because a small group of obscenely wealthy dickbags, Trump sychophants, and Papaya Pol Pot himself see lockdowns as a political liability, as the only relatively okay thing Trump has been able to do is not destroy the economy for those same obscenely wealthy dickbags. Remind yourself that these assholes are in the minority, and their supporters are being spoonfed lies by a propaganda network.

12.) Because the more we make government work actually work to help people, the more people might actually understand that the government can actually help us, which destroys basically the only argument Republicans have to keep being in office. If you can stay home for reason, it’s to spite these jerks and make it even harder for them to get re-elected ever again.

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About KC Complains A Lot 135 Articles
KC Complains A Lot is another refugee from Deadspin. He enjoys writing and not caving to pressure from herbs.

10 Comments

  1. Thom Hartmann pointed out that these protests started the day after the stats showing the majority of deaths were people of color and poor people. Coincidence? A nurse made the point that all these Covidiots should sign waivers & DNRs that they will not seek treatment since this is all a hoax. Pretty sure we are going to see some spikes the next few weeks from these assclowns.

    • That is really disgusting political calculus. This might blow up in the GOPers faces as old people don’t want to die to keep Trump in office according to the latest polls and the fact CoVID-19 is will go thru relatively unhealthy rural whites too.

  2. Ohio had been doing such a good job and I’m afraid they are going to blow it by opening up too early. Everyone is going to say ‘Oh they overreacted nothing happened’ not connecting that the ‘over’ reaction is WHY nothing* happened.

    *nothing = 40K dead instead of 200K [rage emoji]

    • I thought OH was hooking up with other Midwestern states to open up based on, you know, science and good health policy.

    • Our governor has been doing a great job but today Boeing decided to reopen & that could mess things up bad. My wife has been super busy writing letters for employees that don’t want to risk going back.

  3. I’m in one of those states where the dipshit governor thinks it’s a good idea to let people get tattoos this week.
    1. Dumbfuck Von Jesusbitch never thought that opening businesses without opening schools means a bunch of people can’t go back to work anyways and he might have just got a bunch of at-risk parents fired from work.
    2. The Doofus wants tattoo artists, hairdressers, massage therapists, movie theaters and barbers to somehow maintain distancing or limit occupancies to 10.

  4. A lot of small businesses are going to get slammed as landlords and creditors try to use Kemp’s order as an excuse to bleed them dry.

    And when the infections keep spreading across the state, they’re going to get whipsawed by new restrictions right after they went through the expense of taking on new payroll and buying more inventory.

    The only ones winning are investors with deep pockets who can buy distressed businesses and wait a few years to reopen, or more likely, sell off the assets.

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