Reasons Why DeadSplinter Rules And New ‘Deadspin’ And Its Overly Long Headline Structure — What Time Is The Super Bowl — Sucks, Ranked

Never let the bad guys win

1. An awesome community of awesome people: From near-sighted seers to D.C. dwellers, Farscythe’s unerring commentary to KC’s complaints, reminders never to fuck Republicans, miraculous paralysis cures, generals who cross mountains on elephants …

2. … open threads that start with ellipsis.

3. We have spice but no herbs.

4. Food I can eat.

5. The word “shellac” rarely gets thrown around here.

6. Personal stories worth reading.

7. Wednesday f’n metal.

8. Strange But True lives up to its name.

9. Nobody gets hit by a bus.

10. … and everyone else who’s here, like Christopher Walker’s mustache, Rep. Emmer’s district staff, a funky old shack set way back, a candlestick maker’s replacement, Dorothy Dunnett novels, great seafarers of Middle Earth, well-dressed Canadian rockers, Robin Hood’s porn alias …

11. Who the hell wants to go to new Deadspin with its interminable headlines and weirdly aggro prose about sensitive issues and its total lack of good writing as there’s a drive into deep left field by Castellanos and that’ll be a home run. And so that’ll make it a 4-0 ballgame. I don’t know if I’m going to be putting on this headset again. I don’t know if it’s going to be for the Reds. I don’t know if it’s going to be for my bosses at G/O Media.

12. Fuck letting the bad guys win.

13. Both Deadspin and Splinter reconstituted as their own self-made sites, but damn it, WE DID IT FIRST.

14. Did I mention the no herbs thing?

15. … oh yeah and almost forgot the Scottish highlands, Rat, J.J. Watt’s sister, pawnshop guitarists, brainwashed election contenders, Viking sword makers, Occam’s way cooler cousin, unruly boobs, pharma emulsifiers, our own ace of spades, extra-special contact lenses, and everyone else, absolutely everyone, who has brightened this little corner of the internet over the past year.

16. I promised nobody gets hit by a bus.

17. Fuck Spanfeller and every other sweaty hedge fund asshole forever.

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About Clever Name Here dba "Black Rod" 89 Articles
Vell, Clever Name Here just zis guy, you know? Sometimes funny. Often annoyed. Once I saw a blimp.

15 Comments

  1. The header image reminded me that I watched my Patriots lose this past weekend.  They played poorly and may or may not make the playoffs.  But, I enjoyed watching the game and didn’t strain a single blood vessel.  It was glorious.
     
    Of course, I also heard from the Sports Knowers that the Packers BOUNCED PACK after getting their asses handed to them by an actually good team, by SOUNDLY DEFEATING the fucking 1-5 Texans.  They’re LOOKING GOOD again, and READY FOR THE PLAYOFFS.  What-fucking-ever.  I do not regret my decision for a second.
     
    Um…so…who, exactly, is Robin Hood’s porn alias?  I was able to nail down pretty much every mention in this post, but that one got past me.

    • It’s doubly hilarious because if the game is growing traffic, letting people comment — even if 80% of them are going to skin them alive — is such a quick and easy way to do it.

      Somehow these morons still don’t realize that Mango Unchained’s superpower is that he’s completely and utterly shameless.

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