Ryan By Gawd Tannehill is One Game Away from Playing in the Super Bowl

BALTIMORE, MARYLAND - JANUARY 11: Ryan Tannehill #17 of the Tennessee Titans looks to hand off the ball during the first half against the Baltimore Ravens in the AFC Divisional Playoff game at M&T Bank Stadium on January 11, 2020 in Baltimore, Maryland. (Photo by Maddie Meyer/Getty Images)

The Ravens picked the absolute worse possible moment to choke. Not only have they ruined the blackest of NFL playoffs (R.I.P Lamar, Deshaun and Russell, SAVEUS.MAHOMES), but they did so at the hands of Ryan Tannehill, who…holy shit, might actually play in the Super Bowl.

In all actuality, it’s probably more accurate to suggest that Derrick Henry and the Titans defense is the main reason everyone’s playoff predictions are all fucked up. But Ryan Tannehill? Seriously?

Okay, okay; let’s try to be fair. Tannehill was probably (?) always a decent quarterback when he was in Miami. On the list of reasons why Miami continued to suck, he was…maybe top ten? Top 15 in a good year? He existed in the weird middle ground wherein no one really expected anything of him, and he performed exactly to that expectation. You never saw any “TANNEHILL MUST STEP UP AND LEAD THIS TEAM” takes on your average shouty morning show. Everyone just sort of quietly acccepted that Tannehill would play out the length of his contract, and then become a middling back-up for the rest of his NFL career, the type of guy who would be around forever and sort of kind of be good in the event your quarterback went down.

When Tannehill got traded for peanuts to compete/back-up Marcus Mariota, it was exactly the kind of shrugworthy event you’d think. And then all the sudden Derrick Henry went the fuck off, and Tannehill’s style of steady, unflashy play meant he was making less mistakes than Mariota, and now the Titans have ruined the playoffs by eliminating the most exciting team in the damn thing. (We do, however, owe them a debt of gratitude for usher the Patriots out of the playoffs, now and possibly forever.)

Tannehill is winning football in perhaps the least exciting way imaginable; by simply not being stellar at anything. And the Titans are winning with the 1980s-as-balls approach of simply running the ball, playing good defense, and having a quarterback not screw it up.


Look; good for Tannehill and the Titans. They are finding success, have played hard and are as deserving of anyone else of a shot at the playoffs. But fuck that; I can’t take another boring as hell Super Bowl. We still have a shot at Mahomes and Rodgers! Hell, I’ll take Mahomes and Garappolo!

The Titans have find the exact perfect combo of offensive mediocrity and no team can stop it and that should terrify everyone. Defense is overrated! Just take the L and let Mahomes and Rodgers score 11 million points, Tannehill! Throw like…four interceptions or something. No one will even blame you! You’ll have more fun watching the game anyhow!

…Fuck, the Titans are going to win this thing, aren’t they?

About KC Complains A Lot 135 Articles
KC Complains A Lot is another refugee from Deadspin. He enjoys writing and not caving to pressure from herbs.


  1. The Ravens and the Patriots both lost to Ryan Tannehill, so my life is complete, actually.

  2. The Titans simply did what every single team in recent history has done to every single run-first QB: they force the QB to actually PLAY QB, because the reality is that run-first QBs have never been much more than glorified RBs and should really just play RB. There’s no denying Jackson’s athleticism and overall talent…but he’s just not that great at playing QB. He’s not accurate at all (10th in completion percentage–just a tick and a half above Tannehill for God’s sake) and can’t make adjustments when he’s contained in a pocket. Hell, the Ravens could have had Ryan Tannehill as QB and Jackson as RB and steamrolled everyone on their way to the AFC Championship.

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