Does everyone love a good scandal? I do. Scandals are especially satisfying when they play out like viciously vindictive karma. Schadenfreude is cathartic as fuck and I relish every second of it. Yes, I am that petty.
The biggest scandal and subsequent cover up that I’ve experienced happened nearly twenty years ago. It was the early 2000’s. I attended an all girls Catholic high school. While it was no longer run by nuns at that point (sorry DS guy who is into nuns… was it Butcher or Luigi?), it was upheld by the sexist pillars of virtue that one would expect from such an establishment.
Our student body was divided into houses. The prefects were the student elected leaders of each house plus the school president, VP, etc. One unforgettable morning, a special general assembly was hosted by the prefects. The whole school was crammed into the “auditorium” which was basically a large room with a small stage at the front. Students sat on the floor by grade with the youngest (12 year olds) at the front and the oldest (17 year olds) at back. Behind the students, the teachers and administrators sat on chairs. It was a hot, sweaty, and all around uncomfortable arrangement and definitely a fire hazard. But it beat going to mass or a regular general assembly where we were forced to listen to The Dean of Students drone on about morals and virtues (let’s call her Ms. Bull because she was a bully and full of shit). Okay, back to the special general assembly… Ms. Bull and the two newest faculty members, who also happened to be the youngest teachers, were called up to the stage. Ms. Bull was seated in the center of the stage. In what I assume was a power trip, the prefect asked the teachers (let’s call them Ms. Nerf and Mr. Booker) to crossdress in clothing provided by the students… So many things wrong with this but that’s not the point right now… Ms. Nerf donned Kappa snap pants and a trucker cap. Mr. Booker squeezed into a metallic spandex mini skirt and spaghetti strap tank top. They were then given simple instructions, “Entertain Ms. Bull.” What was innocently devised as a celebration of our Dean of Students, quickly devolved into a Magic Mike style lapdance by Mr. Booker. His mini skirt left nothing to the imagination. With every pelvic thrust, his junk came flapping out mercifully hidden from full view by his briefs. It was obscene. It was scandalous. The front rows were filled with crying traumatized tweens. The middle rows were shocked into silence. The back rows were hooting and hollering like we were at a strip club. After five years of stifling repression and with graduation in sight, we stoked the flames of chaos and Mr. Booker’s ego. The rest of the faculty sat in silence. Some members left the room in protest but did not stop the show. All the while Ms. Bull smiled, clapped, and cheered throughout the impromptu erotic performance like it was the best day of her wretched life which it probably was.
The chatter and gossip in the halls and classrooms was intoxicating. Everyone was talking about the scandal. Heads were bound to roll… but whose? Mr. Booker was new, young, cocky, and grossly crossed the line. Would he lose his job? Ms. Nerf played it safe while on stage but didn’t stop the show. Was she in trouble too? Ms. Bull had a decade of seniority over the other two and was supposed to be our moral compass and guiding light as we crossed the turbulent waters of childhood to womanhood (that line made me gag). How would she ever redeem herself?
The fallout was not the reckoning we all anticipated. The next day, Ms. Bull apologized to the students for her inappropriate behavior and for not doing the right thing in the moment. The prefect were shamed and punished for not thinking it through. The teachers got a slap on the wrists. And the students? We were told to never speak of it again in school or outside of school or we would be punished too. We were asked to “think of poor embarrassed Mr. Booker and his career.” We were told that the school did not want to receive anymore angry phone calls from our parents. We were told to pretend it never happened. We were collectively gaslighted. I’ve always had a problem with authority and religion. That school and incident cemented it for me.
Anywhoooo, got any good scandals for me? Care to share some Schadenfreude? As always, this is an open thread. The more the merrier. It’d be fun for a lurker or two pop up. Pretty please?