Smarter options than running across a highway for gas, Ranked

This weekend, I witnessed a Darwin Award nominee cross the interstate highway on foot with a Jerry can in his hands. It happened two cars ahead of me as I was driving at 70mph. The man barely made it across the three lanes as noone ahead of me even slowed down because who the fuck anticipated that he would fucking cross the highway!?! I mean, I did. I’ve played enough jump rope to recognize the suicidal now or never gaze in a person’s eyes right before they jump into the whipping fray. I instinctively started breaking, honked, and put my blinkers on because I was like “That dude looks like a fucking redneck idiot.” I do not know how he fared with the cars going in the opposite direction… nor if he attempted to cross both sides again with a full can of gas. So my darling DeadSplinterites, his near death/possible death experience has inspired me to come up with a short but not exhaustive list of smarter choices he could have made. (Inspired by Black Rod’s infamous RANKED lists)

1. Calling 911. You are a white mustachioed man who looks like an off duty Super Trooper (no offense ST). The cops will probably high five you as they block traffic in both directions so that you can safely cross the highway by foot, fill your Jerry can, and return to your vehicle.
2. Calling a tow truck company. 300$ poorer, 300$ wiser. However, you were carrying a Jerry can which leads me to believe this probably wasn’t your first time reenacting Frogger.
3. Calling a friend for gas. They may never let you live it down. Lucky for you, that’s just an expression. You will live.
4. Crossing over the ditch and service road on YOUR side of the highway.
5. Walking along the shoulder to the next exit.
6. Hitch hiking. Don’t forget to bring a towel.
7. Pouring the remaining moonshine that you must be day drinking into your gas tank.
8. Pissing in your gas tank (see above).
9. Waiting until rush hour traffic sets in so that the cars are not travelling at +70mph. Caveat: in some places that only applies to one side of the highway. Who am I kidding? We’re talking about the Seattle I5.
10. Waiting for an inevitable accident to occur then crossing. This is the I5 after all. Bonus: the rubber neckers in the other direction are guaranteed to slow down too.
11. Getting hit by a bus. This way you won’t take out any others on your suicide mission. (Sorry in advance and thank you for your service bus driver!)