State of the Leafs Address

23/2/20 myopicprophet 28

If there is one thing all Leafs fans have in common, it is that they are used to disappointment. Leafs fans are unlike any other sports sprots fans. Win one game=plan the Stanley Cup victory parade, lose one game and they are the shittiest team in the league. Leafs fans are the most loyal and irrational sports fans of any sport.

I’m not going to pull a “Doug from Mississauga” and share my own thoughts because they would render me as stupid as Doug from Mississauga.

The Toronto Maple Leafs played the Carolina Hurricanes last night and both Carolina goalies were forced to leave the game due to injuries. Every city has an emergency goalie on call for these situations. So, a 42 year old zamboni driver had to borrow goalie equipment from the Toronto Marlies (the AHL Maple Leafs affiliate for whom he drives the zamboni) to play as a goaltender for the Hurricanes. The Leafs scored zero goals against the emergency goalie in the third period in last night’s loss, on only six shots. This resulted in a feel-good story for David Ayers, the emergency goalie, which led to what the ultimate Canadian/Maple Leafs hockey comment sections are all about: Leafs fans vs. everyone who hates the Leafs and the attention they get.

Another thing Leafs fans all agree on (which is a rarity) is that since they booed Larry Murphy, a perennial all star who helped other teams win the Stanley Cup, off of the team, is that the Leafs are incapable of clearing the puck out of their own zone. Unfortunately, the current team concept is all about puck possession. Instead of dumping the puck into the other team’s zone, the philosophy is to either skate the puck into the other team’s zone single-handedly against four defenders who know what they’re doing or turn around with the puck and pass it backwards into their own zone from which they don’t know how to get it out of.

The London Knights (one of the best OHL teams for the past 20 years) is owned by Mark Hunter, who is well regarded as a genius for scouting talent and winning. As the assistant GM to Lou Lamoriello, who was turned down for the Maple Leafs GM position for Kyle Dubas, he is likely the one laughing the most at the current state of the Leafs.

Unfortunately, the current state of the Leafs is the same as it has always been to any of its truest fans:

Congratulations to one of the best goalies, statistically, in NHL history.

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About myopicprophet 133 Articles
Kinja refugee. Rants often. Right sometimes.

28 Comments

  2. But the Leafs have Auston Matthews, one of the most electrifying young players in the league, who is the favourite (Canadian spelling) to win the title for most goals in the league. He would be the first Leaf to do so since the 1940’s, and he also has a chance to become the leading single season goal scorer in Leafs history.
    So he’s a pretty good guy to build your franchise around, eh?

    • True, BUT…there is always a but in Leafs Nation, as well as, the debate between whether the media or the fan base creates the narrative…

      “he’s not a two hundred foot player”

      “he has a no trade clause in his final year (because Dubas fucked up the Nylander deal) so we can’t even trade him as a rental before he walks away (to Arizona?) for nothing”

      “he only keeps his pants up during games (this one speaks for those who argue that only privileged people can afford to play hockey)”

      “Shanahan hired Jonah Hill, the infant from ‘Money Ball’ as GM instead of Mark Hunter who single-handedly surpassed the Peterborough Petes as the prospect machine”

      No one would disagree with you that Auston Matthews is a player to build a team around (I’m actually surprised you know your stuff…didn’t see that coming). Everyone who knows anything would agree with you completely…

      …except Leafs fans.

      Matthews might win the Rocket Richard trophy for most goals scored this year this year and he’d be the first Leaf to score 50 goals in a season since Rick Vaive, but this isn’t about knowledge or logic. It is about Leafs fans. Auston Matthews’ biggest mistake was that he scored four goals in his first game which means, in Leaf fan world (4×82=328), anything less than 300 goals per season means he is a failure. Don’t believe me? I live near Pearson Airport and I’ll buy you a flight.

      • There is something about the Leafs that makes good minds dumber whether it be fans or management.

        I pretty much gave up on the team in the dark days of the 00s while cursing that moron Domi for nearly killing Scott Niedermeyer, setting up one of the most embarrassing playoff losses in Leafs history (the six shots Game 7) and ruining the best chance the Leafs had of playing in a Stanley Cup series.

        I had some hope, but now it’s dead.

      • I am a huge hockey fan, Myo, of all teams, and I also like to study the history and former players of each franchise. Rick Vaive, by the way, was a terrific sniper, but I would love to see Matthews break his single season record.
        And if you are looking for a Hollywood type who could contribute to an organization, Jay Baruchal, of “Knocked Up” fame among many other movies, knows hockey inside and out.
        He does some great commentary on the Netflix documentary Ice Guardians, which is about hockey enforcers. But if you haven’t seen it yet, it is more of a human interest story about the physical and psychological toll that the enforcer’s role takes on them. Whether you are for or against fighting in hockey, it’s a brilliant documentary in my humble opinion. And where would Wayne Gretzky be if the opposing teams didn’t have Dave Semenko and later Marty McSorley to deal with if they even touched a hair on his head.
        But I know Leaf fans have had a rough history and your pain is justified. I remember when I was a little kid and the Leafs were in the middle of one of their historic slumps. Sports Illustrated used to have these little one-liner jokes, and I remember reading that goalie Ken Wregget was so distraught after yet another Leafs loss, that he jumped out and hurled himself in front of the team bus, only to have it go between his legs. Ah yes, hockey humor at its finest.
        But I will talk hockey with you any day, my friend!

        • In the late 80s, there was a TSN radio commercial about the Montreal Canadiens and their storied traditions of their dressing room and winning. Several days later, a Toronto fan wrote a parody of it (not me and I’m only paraphrasing from fragmented memory.)

          “In one corner of the Leaf’s dressing room, Al Iafrate is smashing a stick over Gary Leeman’s head.* Meanwhile in another corner Allan Bester stares into space, wondering if the Leafs will ever play defense. There is a sign over the doorway that says: “Exit” and “No Smoking. These are the Toronto Maple Leafs.”

          *because Gary Leeman was fucking Al Iafrate’s wife at the time for some “He Shoots He Scores” soap opera drama.

        • Wayne Gretzky (putting aside the conspiracy theories) refused to go to LA without Marty. My intention was to whine about the Leafs in this post, but you raise a very important argument and one that might not have as much to do with the way the game is played today as it was back then…and as someone who deplores violence (and thinks UFC is stupid-fight me-), I will say that fighting had its place in the game. The same way the NBA wouldn’t be as popular as it is in Canada without Vince Carter, the NHL wouldn’t be as popular in the US as it is today without the 70’s Flyers…or Billy Smith.

          The players managed the game. Kurri and Gretzky will always be enshrined in the HOF because of their numbers and Semenko had no place being among them on the best line in hockey, but without Semenko, Gretzky and Kurri might not be alive rather than live in the record books. The game has changed so much since that Malkin and Crosby can be the best AND dirtiest players in the league. Which is fine, I guess, but it led to shitty players like Matt Cooke intentionally injuring the best defenceman in the league with his skate blade and Bertuzzi pulling a Jake the snake Roberts DDT and Brad Marchand doing basically anything he wants to do because no one will do anything about it. Can I shit on UFC (I understand the artforms…just fail to understand the level of competition) and support fighting in hockey at the same time? I don’t have an actual answer to that, but if one is acceptable, the other should be as well?

          Former hockey enforcers and NFL players are killing themselves because of mental health issues related to concussions, but NFL remains the most popular league.

          For that, I think the fighting in hockey debate is largely based on individual bias which makes it almost impossible to have reasonable discourse…and at this point, I don’t know which side I’m on, but if I had the privilege to skate aside Gretzky, yzerman, or Crosby, it’s safe to say that I’d gladly take upon the role of “you fuck with them, you fuck with me.”

      • I think the Leafs need Kadri more than they needed Barrie.

        I am a bit surprised that they aren’t paking a play for Gallant. I hope he’s available for the Wings or the new Seattle Fog but if I’m a club looking to make a push for spring I get Gerry like yesterday.

        • I’m not going to get into my issues with the moves that Dubas has made (in fact, I believe one of the editors edited out my frustratingly childish description of him…and for good reason?), but I will say that I strongly believe that he should have made Nylander sit all year rather than signing him on the December RFA deadline. It screwed a lot of other GMs with RFAs and it led to the insane cap issues the Leafs currently have.

          I’m not sure how the richest companies in Canada own the richest team in the league have a rookie president (who played hard, but doesn’t want his team to? and who, as a player, had to be traded for sleeping with his teammate’s wife), a rookie GM and a rookie HC.

          They should be draining their bank account for Gallant. He is exactly what this team needs if they are as set on the system as they seem to be. A coach players love and EVERYONE respects. He never should have been sent packing from Florida the way he was and he deserved more time in Vegas.

          I’d love to see him in Detroit. The Red Wings are a team whose future I am not worried about. Stevie Y has been a true leader and a successful one since he was a teenager.

    • No one could argue with Bobby Probert (developed CTE and died far too young) but I’ll take the Habs Georges Laraque. He was huge and when he grabbed you and started spinning you around as he was pummeling you with his devastating left, survival took priority over winning the fight in a hurry!
      The Boogie Man, Derek Boogaard (another early death due in large part to CTE) would also be in my top five.

    • Kocur >>>>> Probert.

      I saw Probie duck a Blues’ enforcer (forget his name) at JLA and I think Yzerman had to step in. Knowing what we know now Probert could have been drunk and not capable of fighting that night.

  7. “The Boogieman, Derek Boogaard (another early death due in large part to CTE) would also be in my top five.”

    Admittedly, I am only the most casual of hockey fans,** but, as a Minnesotan, The Boogieman will forever hold a place in my heart.

    He was everything good, AND bad about professional sprotz, and the road to the pros system that chews up & spits out humans.

    The NYT article, and a bunch in our local alt-weekly paper The City Pages really did a great job of bringing home how poorly done-by Boogie had been:
    https://www.nytimes.com/2011/12/06/sports/hockey/derek-boogaard-a-brain-going-bad.html

    http://www.citypages.com/news/derek-boogaard-had-degenerative-brain-disease-linked-to-head-injuries-6565433

    And another great story by the Duluth News Tribune, from four years after his death:

    https://www.duluthnewstribune.com/sports/3746818-len-boogaard-still-looking-answers-sons-death

    (**grew up too poor & rural, plus our ‘Stars got sold/stolen right when I was of the age to get attached to sprotz, so my love all went to my beloved, yet eternally futile, ‘Wolvies, instead😉)

  10. I LOVE THE EMERGENCY GOALIE!!!! Every weekend warrior’s dream…

    I thought he even picked up an assist on the CAR goal when he 1st entered the game. I had the sound off but saw a highlight of him playing the puck up the boards and then they show the goal.

    I love that he had on blue pants in the 2nd and then got red for the 3rd.

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