Sunday Sunday Sunday [NOT 5/6/22]

Hi, friends! I hope you had a good weekend.

I went to the theatre for the last show of the season and it was awesome but also today I’m sad because no more shows there for several months.

I also did more yard work this morning. We had a fuckton of rain last week and then perfect temps for tomatoes and peppers to grow. So I needed to ruthlessly prune the tomatoes because holy fuck they’d grown fast. All the suckers are gone and I took off all the lower branches that are close to or were hitting the ground. I have a fuckton of tomatoes already coming in, looking forward to whatever the squirrels don’t take from me.

I also planted some bush butternut squash seeds in late April and they’re looking good! I have tried and failed repeatedly on zucchini and cucumbers (fuck you, squash bugs, and extra fuck you, vine borer moths), but the googles says that butternut squash varieties are resistant to the vine borers. I went ahead and dusted the base of the plants with diatomaceous earth because seriously, fuck you squash bugs. And I dusted the bases of my tomato and pepper plants because 2 years ago I had a major problem with stink bugs on my peppers and wow that was gross and a lot of work to clear up.

Anyways, then I ate a ton of cheez-its to offset any health benefits of that gardening.

How’d your day go?



  1. I’ve been sleeping. A lot. I spent the last week in Las Vegas for my company meeting and I don’t thing I got 15 hours of sleep all week. We had activities and shit constantly. People were like “let’s get a drink” and I was like “Imma sleep now — I can do it in my room or right here.”

  2. We’ve been doing repairs & organizing the greenhouse all weekend & repotting a bunch of struggling plants.  Crazy mix of rain, sun, & wind this weekend.  Also, discovered an interesting Filipino food place.  Very authentic but need to try more things to get a better feel for it.

  3. The charging port on my phone is wonking out. I really don’t want an iPhone. I really don’t want a Samsung. I really don’t want to spend $1,000 or even $500 on a new phone and risk dropping it in six months, or spend for a 1950s style mob protection plan.

    I could pay to see if the port can be fixed, and it would *probably* be $100, but the odds aren’t zero that it will be more, or that it won’t just break again.

    I realize that if I keep a new phone for three years — 36 months — spending $10 a month for a nicer phone than some base level phone isn’t that big a deal. But it still sticks in my craw.

  4. I can move myself around again!!😁🤗🥴

    At least with only a moderate amount of aches, complaining, & pain… as opposed to the “feeling broken” mode which was where I was yesterday, where even my brain was in “still processing” & “random shutdowns” mode it was at yesterday.

    I can think today, and hold a bit of info in my head… yesterday was like swimming through pea-soup fog, so I was completely unable to drive (my reflexes & reaction time would have been dangerously slow)… today I still didn’t go back “up home,” though, to see dad or move my car (it needs at least a jump-start, to get it out of the parking lot at his old apartment building)…

    But I KNEW that–while I *could* drive today, send i could definitely handle the 2-hour drive up there…

    I was still WIPED out physically, and I wasn’t positive I could spend 2-5+ hours *getting additional things done* up there, then drive another 2 hours back home

    I realized I was still tired enough, that I might not be able to stay safely awake for those last 2 hours of driving….so I messaged dad’s awesome now-former landlord, explained the situation, and said the car will be gone by next Saturday evening.

    (And I *DID* fall asleep on the couch here *twice* during that time today–so I feel pretty correct that I wasn’t going to make that drive back safely!)

    But Dad is now officially moved out, everything is now in storage, at my place, or in the van to take to mom’s to sort, and I’m on to the next phase of caretaking, being his daughter, and figuring out which direction we head…

    His kidney function has dropped to around 15%, which means we need to talk about the possibility of dialysis… or face the possibility of foregoing & deciding to focus on “quality over quantity” time-wise…

    I’ll admit, this part SUCKS, and I’m both *not ready* (💔) and dreading what’s after… but I want him to have as little pain, as little fear, and as little stress as possible, whatever is coming our way…

    Mom & I had a really good talk this afternoon, when I told her about his kidney issues, and what my auntie (not the nurse, but the one who has the medical lab and is married to Dad’s oldest brother), told me regarding Dialysis… Mom agreed, that if we DO need to elect someone to be Dad’s “Day-to-day, in-town, Medical point person” *this auntie* not the one who had been working with me (but also rolling right through boundaries I’d set) will be the one who becomes the *in town person* we trust to make the decisions for Dad.

    In particular, because this auntie is more clear-eyed about *quality of time* and not quite as… devoutly Catholic(?)… as the other Auntie.

    Both mom & I worry a bit, that Dad’s younger sister–nurse though she was–may want to hold ON a bit longer out of that super-strong faith–combined with her love of Dad–rather than being able to let go if it’s better for him–where my other Auntie–who has her doctorate in Medical Laboratory sciences–is Catholic too, but having that pathology-lab background, understands the lines of when a human body simply “can’t” a bit more clearly…

    I’m NOT looking forward to that time & phase… I’m just NOT.

    But I won’t let Dad suffer a single goddamn second, just because one of *us* isn’t ready, if his body is at the point of *done & ready to go.*

    I’ve said to my friends, too many times over the years, that “we’re kinder to our pets at the end of their lives, than we are to our people,” and I’ve always said that if I were in a position to be a/the decision maker, I’m going to err on the side of kindness & painlessness over dragging something out, because *I* can’t let go…

    So I’m DAMN WELL going to make sure my Dad has as easy a time of it, as is possible, for his ending.

    He’s not going to suffer unnecessarily on MY watch, over anyone *not* being able to let go of him–he deserves SO MUCH better than that!!!

    And I’ll make damn certain he gets the best quality of time our family & I can give him.💖💝💞💗💓

    But I’m not looking forward to that time, when it comes. Because he IS my dad, and even though he’s not an easy person & he can be prickly as hell with me, I love him SOOOOO much, and I DON’T want to lose him!💖💖💖💫

      • Much love to you & yours, @MemeWeaver!!!💝💖💞💗

        It sucks, and it’s hard, and I wish we supported folks better through it all**  when they go through this sort of hard stuff!

        All in all, I’m super lucky (and I know that!💖), because I’ve got a lot of loving relatives, some truly awesome Meatspace friends, y’all around here💝💖💞💫, and I’m lucky enough to still have Mom around, to talk it all out with, too (she’s THE BEST, and I’m SO lucky that she’s my mom!!!💝💞💖💫).

        In addition, years back I had that great County Financial Worker, who helped me to navigate Mom through all the rough parts of getting on Minnesota Care, SSI, and all the waivers she had before she hit “retirement age,” so *that stuff* isn’t a scary black hole, anymore, either.

        And then I was also lucky enough to have seen personally, how truly excellent hospice care can be in my childhood (when an aunt died of cancer)…

        Lastly, we covered a lot of really great topics around grief, bereavement, creating Legacy for/with a dying patient, supporting families left behind–where additional resources for support may be–etc.,  learned about the books by Maggie Callanan, the research & books of Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, and so much more, when I had to take my Death & Dying class for one of my Associates degrees…

        It helps, having that foundation/set of resources that I had to get into *years* ago, because they’re part of my toolbox now…

        I just wish more folks had those tools, too!💖



        (**and especially after, when the folks left here STILL need care, support, and to be able to TALK about it, and to *feel* their feelings without being expected to, “get OVER it, already!”😕)

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