The Bears Traded for Nick Foles Because Apparently in the End Times No One Learns Anything

Do you remember that one time Nick Foles had a really good season under Chip Kelly, then fell back to the mean in 2014? And then the Rams traded Sam Bradford to Philly in exchange for Foles? Do you remember when Foles got benched for Case Keenum, and the Rams tanked so bad that earned the number one pick in the draft? And then Foles went to Kansas City and backed up Alex Smith, and then he went back to Philly and tripped dick first into a Super Bowl ring? Remember when the Jags signed Foles to be their starter and Foles immediately got hurt, and then got better, and then got benched for Gardner Minshew?

The Bears, an a desperate attempt to find someone, anyone better than Mitchell Trubisky, traded for Foles. Again. Look…no one is saying Nick Foles is a bad quarterback. He’s just not an excellent quarterback. Outside of a few outliers, Nick Foles has been perfectly average, or…well, shit, I guess I am calling Nick Foles bad.

Of course, upgrading from Mitchell Trubisky to perfectly average is a net improvement. It’s hard to argue that the Bears would not have been a playoff team if they had even slightly better quarterback play for Trubisky. The only team that has a greater claim to being screwed by bad quarterback play is the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, who were so screwed by their quarterback’s turnovers that they desperately signed a washed veteran to replace him, if only because it’s harder to throw interceptions when your arm’s about to fall off.

Why not throw a bone to Cam Newton, who is getting gently kicked the fuck out of Carolina? Or are we doomed (whenever football is able to be played again, anyway) to asking over and over why Newton doesn’t have a job? Newton is at least as good as Foles when he’s like, 50% of himself, and at 90% he’s a franchise quarterback.

Did the Bears panic when Teddy Bridgewater went to Carolina and Philip Rivers went to the Colts?

(Let’s all take the time to appreciate that quarterback movement like what’s happening in this free agency period is basically unprecedented, with two legit Hall of Fame contenders switching team and actually good quarterback options being plentiful and numerous. Here’s hoping we actually get to see how all this insanity plays out.)

Also, Colin Kaepernick still doesn’t have a job.

I look forward to that moment in November when Nick Foles gets benched for Mitchell Trubisky, and then Washington’s second best football team trades for Nick Foles to replace Dwayne Haskins.