The Packers Just Don’t Get It

Speaking as a life-long Packer fan, I must say that I have been inconsolable at the thought of never reading another WYTS from Drew Magary, because his take downs of my team were exquisite. While this will not be that, I do wish to point out the fact that my team does, in fact, suck, and that they will continue to do so for the following reasons.

1. Mike Pettine. When The Beav finally showed Dom Capers the door roughly five years too late, he hired Mike Pettine, the former head coach of the 3-13 Cleveland Browns. This was not an upgrade and I knew it the minute it was announced. Sure, the Browns really suck, but it’s not just that. Look at his career as a DC with the Jets and Bills. If you were to drive past his stat sheet at 100 miles per hour while updating your FaceBook status on your phone, you’d probably think to yourself, “hey, he did great work as a DC. What’s the problem?” But, when you stop and actually take a look at his record, you see exactly what the problem is: he starts strong and proceeds to continually get worse with each successive year. Yes, in his first year as DC of the Jets they had the #1 overall defense. But, the next year they were #3 and the year after that they were #5 and the last year he was there they were #8. Then they refused to renew his contract. I can’t imagine why. He only lasted one year in Buffalo where the defense ranked #23. There’s one thing about the sports media that makes me absolutely crazy and that’s how they fawn all over Green Bay and talk about how awesome this or that aspect of the team is, when the reality is quite the opposite. All year, I would hear various sportsball people talk about how much more dominant and kick-ass the Packer defense is this year. Except they finished the year at #18 overall, and at one point in the season were as low as #28. STFU about how good the D is. We’re stuck with Pettine for another year, so I’m sure that will end well.
2. Brian Gutekunst. He was supposed to be the Brand New Day in the front office, wheelin’ and dealin’ on the free agent market. He got the Smiths! He got Adrian Amos! He got Billy Turner! Woo-hoo, can you just see all that money flying around the room? No more of Tired Ted Thompson’s Total Trainwreck philosophy of shunning free agency here! We’re building a CHAMPIONSHIP TEAM! Except, the Smiths were 78th and 81st in their position this year (doesn’t matter who was where, because they basically suck equally). Amos actually did well at 18th overall for the season, but clearly wasn’t worth a shit in the NFC title game before tearing his tit and getting removed from the game. Billy Turner got completely outclassed not once, but twice by the 9ers Defensive line this year. I realize that almost any free agent signing after the reign of Ted the Terrible looks like a stroke of genius, but maybe we should take a page from the 49ers and hire a broadcaster as the next GM. Certainly we couldn’t do any worse by offering Erin Andrews the job.
3. The Offensive Line. It was like watching an NFL team play against Girl Scout Troop #48. They got steamrolled on almost every snap and let Rodgers run for his life during most of the game. You know why Eli won those two Super Bowls? Because he had an O-line that stood up like a brick wall and let that slack jawed son of a bitch just stand there all day until something opened up. Imagine what a QB with actual talent and ability could do if he wasn’t constantly trying to avoid getting cleat marks on his back.

But, we’ve got Freddie Boston telling us that what the Packers really need is to go “all-in” on offense and by that he means shoring up the WR and RB positions and maybe drafting someone to replace Bulaga. Do the Packers need depth at WR and RB? Yes, yes they do. Should we ignore the gaping holes in the defense and the paper mache offensive line? No. No, we absolutely should fucking not.