
1. Say on social media that the “AR” in AR-15 stands for assault rifle.
2. Give a cat a bath.
3. Listen to a few hours of country music.
4. Have a debate about “cancel culture” online.
5. Play the “E.T.” game on Atari.
6. Stub my toe.
7. Clean up a potty training child’s “accident.”
8. Argue about why “Blue Lives Matter” is a racist statement.
9. Bang my head getting into a car.
10. Listen to a terrible jam band struggle through a 30-minute song.
11. Stare at the ceiling while being completely awake at 2 a.m.
12. Watch some episodes of “Teen Mom”
13. Give a honey badger a bath.
14. Throw on some light opera.
15. Clean the bathroom from top to bottom.
16. Read every article on Nu Deadspin.
17. Legally change my name to “Antifa Q. Black” and start applying for jobs.
18. Watch every single episode of “Barney and Friends.”
19. Become a Mets fan.
20. Give a great white shark a bath.
21. Fall down a flight of stairs.
22. Say out loud, in the year of our lord 2020, “I need Joe Biden to win this election.”
23. Travel to North Korea to seek asylum.
24. Get coronavirus (or worse) by licking subway turnstiles in New York City.
25. Join an anti-vax/Q Facebook group to argue about polio and pedophilia.
26. Self-administer eye surgery, sans anesthetic.
27. Listen to Keven Federline’s album “Playing With Fire.”
28. Be abducted and anally probed by alien life forms while I plead to be taken with them.
29. Throw myself in a woodchipper head-first.
30. Get hit by a bus.
31. Watch the post-speech media coverage and realize with growing horror that it’s SO MUCH WORSE THAN THE ACTUAL SPEECH.
I was copy pasting to quote my favorites but turns out these are all amazing. Special recognition to this one though:
17. Legally change my name to “Antifa Q. Black” and start applying for jobs.
I honestly spent more time on what name to use than any other entry!
I felt this one.
Bang my head getting into a car.
The media DESPERATELY wants this to be an actual race, for alot of reasons, the most important of which being that no one wants to watch a blowout.
Still, I saw a lot more “Christ that was fucking boring, what was even the point” post coverage then I’d ever thought there would be.
The last item on this list nailed it. They really, really want there to be something they can see as a reason to turn this into a horse race.
Even if it becomes competitive, it is not going to work as a horse race. Trump is never going to be interesting and they have to stop thinking in those terms — his appeal to his base is all about reaffirming how tedious he is to everyone, including his followers.
While you are correct — and lots of usually dumb pundits used reasonably decent wording about it — they still didn’t say what literally everyone who’s not a Trumper thought about it aka “holy shit this is all fucking insanity.”
…on balance I might prefer to fall down some stairs than to give a great white shark a bath
…& I’d maybe take my chances with the bus sooner than the woodchipper
…but essentially those are hard to argue with
*Reads list*
*Nods slowly*
“Agreed.”
I hear the Falwells are looking for a new pool boy if you go with #17.
Pardon me, but I’m no pool boy — I’m a pool man.
My apologies. But that means Antifa Q Black won’t get the job. Jerry is the MAN in his threesomes. He only wants to watch his wife with with someone he can feel superior to. Or has power over.
Did I miss a meeting wherein we all decided the comment section on this post would be nothing but nightmare fuel?
In trumpland everything is nightmare fuel.
He’s not wrong.
Read literally anything by Jane Austen.
*checks local news*
hes actually not made any of the headlines here today
really…i think the news here is mostly bored of his shit
Kick your daughter out and prepare for a houseguest. I’m on the way.
Shoulda done it four years ago.
lol..even with my daughter here i has a spare room
sall good…just let me know if you have any allergies…would be a shame if my cooking accidentally killed you
If the cooking doesn’t kill you the noxious fumes from the cleaning will
potentially
i also have a rather large suply of fireworks unsafely stored
and 3 murder cats
32. Have a threesome with Ann Coulter and Laura Ingraham.
Oh, look, it’s the nightmare I’m going to have tonight!
Thanks for letting me see it!
No WAP there
And the nightmare just got worse.
OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD MY EYESSSSSSSS
atakama?
atacama, not atakama…
Splendid list
The list and the comments are ART. I am going to have to go with the @MegMegMcGee comment “No WAP there” as the comment of the day…possibly of the week. She may have many stars for that one.
Yep. Close this one down. We’re done here.
“curtsies”