Treat Yourself [NOT 21/6/21]

As opposed to Treat Your Elf - which is what I kept typing

Summer Solstice time – the true beginning of summer is here. Since everyone’s been cooped up and stressed out because of the pandemic  – we all deserve to have some fun. If money is no object, time is not of the essence and fear is not a factor – what is  something you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t?

I’ve always wanted to ride in a hot air balloon. When I was a kid, one landed – crashed really – right next to our house. I know that’s not a very auspicious start to a fantastical devotion but since then – I’ve always wanted to go up in one. Of course, I have an intense fear of heights, and would probably try to jump out once it got high enough off the ground – but if there were magically no constraints, I totally would love to do it. So, good people of Deadsplinter how would you treat yourself – skydiving, climb Everest, go on safari(photo only of course), trip to the ISS or just a day at a spa?



  1. I’d really like to take a solo vacation. Go where I want, do what I want without worrying about keeping up or slowing down 

      • Too many people would have their feelings hurt. But I’m looking into yoga retreats, nobody wants to go with me to one of those and I’d love it. 

    • I kind of sort of do that when traveling for business, with some differences. Typically, if I spend more than a couple hours on a plane getting somewhere I add a couple of vacation days to the end of my stay and then get out and see the sights. Since I’m alone for those two days, I do whatever the hell I want. Go to Disneyland, see the Boulder Dam, see Niagra Falls, drive across the Golden Gate Bridge and walk around Muir Woods, see the Space Needle, go to Mall of America (all things I’ve done) or just go check out comic shops and eat at places I’d never think to eat when I’m with my family. The big difference is I don’t get to pick my destination. 
      Years ago I used to freak out when I’d travel by myself because I was super-self-conscious about sitting in restaurants alone. So I ate fast food. Then I told myself I was being stupid and furthermore, I would never see any of these people again ever. Now I’ve gotten to where I enjoy doing that alone, too. 

  2. Money is no object? I would like a second home, a penthouse in NYC or Philadelphia, so that I could be local to tours and see every band I like, live.

    • I wouldn’t mind a place in NYC so I could see plays – when they start back. 

    • Can I time share the NYC penthouse with you? In return, you can come visit my small chateau and vineyard somewhere in Italy, where our friend Stanley Tucci is a frequent guest. We have  private chefs on call 24/7, a large library, and a modest outdoor pool of course.

      • Should we start a Deadsplinter time share?

        • Maybe Cousin Matthew would like to be the resident head chef instead of paying for a time share.

          • I have not much interest in being part of a NYC time share but Italy always appeals. Even if our time share is in a region I’ve never been within 100 miles kilometers of I guarantee I will be able to lead you off the beaten path to the  weird and the wacky. It is my gift.

            One of my literary sub-interests is how Americans/Brits make out when they move to continental Europe. The food always comes up. I’ve read time and time again that in Italy whatever you make will take on an Italian spin, unless you go to extremely expensive specialty shops. I think I’ve mentioned before about a woman’s account of trying to make American Thanksgiving somewhere in Italian Hill Country. The biggest thing is that turkey is available in Italy but traditionally only eaten at Christmas. Also, they try to get the turkeys as big as possible. The writer was making Thanksgiving for four so she thought this would be perfect: find a turkey in mid-November and the size would be about right. The problem was that the local turkey farmer didn’t want to sell her one: it’s far too early and the turkeys are underweight so he felt that he would be ripping her off. She actually had to fight to get one. “So in the middle of November all you Americans will eat a turkey? Is there a reason why?” 

            So if I am the in-house chef we won’t have peanut butter but I would stock Nutella and almond paste, for example. I don’t think they really grow apples in Italy, they must be rare enough that I can’t think of the word for them, but all the stone fruits abound. I am willing to give this a shot!

        • Of course! And there’s a guest house on the grounds for those who wish for extra privacy.

      • Love to have you share the imaginary penthouse!

  3. A solo vacation sounds real nice. That’s how I used to travel back in my younger days.

  4. If money were no object then I would like to travel to Australia for a month.  I might not be all the crazy about getting pissed on by Koala Bears and kicked by kangaroos while avoiding the terrible poisonous spiders and snakes that live there, but I would like to see the land down under before it comes a Mad Max Hellhole.
    I’m inspired/terrified by the death of my friend to do things instead of talking about it.  I would like to fly a plane.  I don’t have the resources ($$$ and time, but mostly $$$) to learn to fly so I’ll do it “cheap.”  In Hamilton, there is the Canadian Warplane museum which is unique in that many of the exhibits actually still fly including one of only two or three flyable Lancaster bombers in the world.
    They have a $500 CDN for hop in a Harvard trainer for about 20 minutes.  I think I’m going to do this in the fall or spring of next year when I have the money.

    • @ManchuCandidate – I hope you do the flying lessons – that sounds really cool. 

  5. Tiny house with about 6 acres of gardens.

    • That sounds so nice.

  6. I would fling myself off of a really high cliff in a wing suit and fly as far and as fast as I could. 

    • I have never skydived & not super enthusiastic about it but the squirrel suit thing intrigues me.  If I get terminal cancer I am definitely going to do it.  That is the only way my wife would sign off on that.  She would probably prefer that for my suicide than my back up plan of flying an airplane into the Fox News building.

      • The wing suit is the only answer. I think the Fox News building will only be destroyed by being nuked from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure. 

      • Do you know where the Fox News Building is? You’ll be taking out a chunk of Rockefeller Center while you’re at it. On the other hand the New York Post and the Wall Street Journal are also in that building…

        • @MatthewCrawley – I know Rockefeller Center is loved by many people but I think it would be a small price to pay to help get rid of the right wing propaganda network. 

  7. I went up in a balloon that was tethered, and it was fine, but parasailing was much cooler. But not if you’re afraid of heights, though.

    • I’ve photographed a hot air balloon rally but didn’t get to go up.  I shot a parasailing commercial in Moorea that was one of the coolest shoots I have ever done & got to go up to 250ft.  Biggest thing on my bucket list is to heliboard either near Whistler, Revelstoke or the Chugach before I’m too old & out of shape.  

    • And, being afraid of Jaws is limiting. 

  8. I think when I was a kid I went up in a hot-air balloon at a fair or some such.  Don’t know if it really counts as a “ride” since it was pretty much just up and hang out for a bit, and then back down, and I suspect it was anchored?  Couldn’t have been too expensive, because my parents were fucking cheap (like, I used to think they were poor, but no, just unreasonably cheap…)
    If by some inexplicable means, I ever came across a large enough sum of money that I would never need to work again…
    I don’t even know.  I want to say buy some land with a stream and build an off-grid homestead, or just walk around the world.  In all honestly, I’d probably just get a couple of kegerators, and a bunch of food and beer delivered, and then just hole up in my apartment and waste away fucking around on the internet, drinking, and sleeping…

    • Off the grid homesteading sounds like a dream especially if there is a view of mountains. 

  9. i used to know a guy had his own hot air balloon business…ike ..dude thought he was an american..down to speaking with the accent and the bleached white hollywood smile…he was in fact frysian…possibly mentally ill..but definitely frysian going to have to learn about this whole treating myself thing..that not a terribly complicated person…soo..ill just go somewhere i havent seen before..and walk..a lot
    extra happy points if its somewhere i dont speak the language and cant read the signs warning me of danger

  10. Sounds like you’re already getting the hang of it. 

  11. My recurring daydream is to buy the houses on either side of me and tear them the fuck down, add an attached garage and convert the neighbor’s garage into a caretaker’s house. Then I could add more roses, a greenhouse, rip out those fucking norway maples and plant native trees and shrubs. Might as well get an elevator while I’m at it.

    • @Sedevilc – I’m with you on that one – our house was built in 1905 and in the 50’s they sold off most of the backyard to some yahoo who built a duplex. On the far side a very nice man has lived there for 10 years, but on the side closest to us – we’ve had a revolving door of a clinically psychotic crazy man, a woman with armed teenage car jackers as sons and occasionally some okay people. It’s a crapshoot on who will move in each time and I’m tired of it. Love to buy it and tear it down.

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