Trump Throws Shit at The Wall Episode 3: Revenge of the Chickensith

Mango Unchained Hits The Road

No longer content to sit in his bunker like the bitch he is, Donald Trump has signaled that he will once again be starting his campaign rallies, starting in Tulsa, Oklahoma on June 19th, presumably because Trump isn’t used to being away from throngs of people who like him for this long and the poor coward is getting lonely.

The future epicenter for COVID-19 infections will be held on the African-American holiday of Juneteenth, widely regarded as the day that slavery formally ended. I’d like to say Trump’s selection of this date was a purposeful shot across the bow in a time of racial division, but let’s be real; Trump has no fucking clue what “Juneteenth” even is, and he still wouldn’t understand it even if someone attempted to explain it to him, so the likelihood of him picking this date probably has less to do with mocking black people and more to do with it being the only day the White House could fit a rally into his busy schedule of doing jack shit and getting paid for it.

That Trump, a wimp and a coward of ginormous proportions, is eager to get back on the campaign trail, isn’t outwardly surprising. As is typically the case, Trump is insanely desperate for anything that looks like it could be good news, and appearing in front of his adoring fans is the closest Mango Mussolini can get to it. Trump’s mass of ignorant idiots is his only hope right now, as far as he is concerned.

Of course, because Trump is short-sighted, he doesn’t see any possible way this could backfire. For one thing, Trump doesn’t need to convince his supporters to vote for him; Trump’s base is pretty much locked in no matter what the President does or doesn’t do. Going to Tulsa to speak to crowds of people who already agree with him is pointless, as is campaigning in a state that has voted Republican in every election since 1972. Trump’s biggest trouble problem is math; he’s locked down his base, but he’s turning off undecided voters and coalescing Democrats against him. And as we should realize by now, there are more of us than there are of them.

Trump shouting bullshit at people who love to have bullshit shouted at them does nothing to help his prospects. It’s clear that Trump doesn’t have a strategy; the only reason Trump appears to be going there is because 1.) it’s a state with a shithead governor who won’t require his residents to wear masks at his rally, and 2.) because it’s a place where Trump, who, may I continue to remind you, is a giant chicken shit wuss and bunker bitch, knows that it’s more than likely he will get praise heaped upon him.

And on the second part; does Trump not expect there to be a large protest outside of the venue or something? Or, moreover, will Trump, the craven, gutless, yellow-bellied pansy order the area gassed and the crowd violently dispersed, all so he can stroll onto a stage with people and play to a crowd of people who won’t question him?

That’s the inconvenient truth for Trump right now; there is no place in the country he can turn to where he won’t find some sort of unrest. There aren’t enough bunkers for bitch-boy to hide in. His national convention can’t take place in the place he wants it to and will instead take place in Jacksonville, Florida. He can erect as many walls around the White House as he wants; people still show up every day to protest. For sixteen days America has protested, and they don’t seem tired yet.

Trump does. But he’s a moron. He’s incapable of running a race in which he can not spread division and chaos, and he’s against a force of people who are becoming more united and more organized against him. Trump will get up on stage, and for just a few, brief moments, he will maintain some semblance of self-awareness, and be able to get the crowd of white people to give a brief round of applause for George Floyd’s death. And then it’ll be “ANTIFA” this and “LAW AND ORDER” that. He will inevitably say something either profoundly stupid, racist and/or both. Unlike prior years, his words will be more amplified than ever before.

There will be protests, potentially ones that turn to violence. Protesters will invade these rallies and protest, Trump will demand that they’re removed, and then lament that the cops didn’t do more to rough them up.

He will make it worse, because he is intellectually incapable of making shit better.

These rallies will scare him, because Trump is S-A-W-F-T, SAWFT. He is easily rattled. He will skulk back to the White House and whine and bitch more about protesters, but only because he is deeply, violently afraid.

The rallies no longer offer Trump a protective echo chamber in which to spew his bile.

He’s got nowhere to run and less places to hide.

Buckle up, Papaya Pol Pot. The next few months will be a bumpy ride.

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About KC Complains A Lot 135 Articles
KC Complains A Lot is another refugee from Deadspin. He enjoys writing and not caving to pressure from herbs.

9 Comments

  1. The fact that this rally will also come on the heels of the 99th anniversary of the Tulsa race riot is certainly lost on him–but I’m betting it’s not lost on the pieces of shit who put this little shindig together. That’s the thing about him, his presidency and his candidacy: he is essentially the world’s dumbest Muppet being led around by a goateed Jim Henson, so that the Republican establishment can keep using him to say the quiet parts out loud for them.

    • You’re right. I just keep seeing people attribute Trump’s move to him personally, and I sincerely doubt his aides would be able to keep Trump’s attention long enough for him to formulate an elaborate race-based power play. They just told him he was going to finally be able to rally and told him the date and Trump’s infantile baby brain perked up at the idea.

      • Precisely. Trump’s holding a rally in Tulsa on Juneteenth and holding his acceptance speech in Jacksonville in the same place Axe Handle Saturday occurred and I’d bet you a fresh, Tim Horton’s donut that he hasn’t got the foggiest idea of what either one of those things means beyond the most high level description of it.

        When it comes to Trump, never attribute to malice would could easily be attributed to straight up stupidity.

  2. I don’t think there is any clever strategy going on, but I think Trump is keenly aware that the media is addicted to his rallies, and he is expecting to get CNN, NBC, the AP and the rest stifling all of the other voices in the country and blandly reinforcing whatever he says in the most statesmanlike terms possible.

    Despite their recent handwringing (possibly because of it) every senior newspaper editor and TV producer is champing at the bit to drown their outlets in cleaned up versions of his takes and then follow it up with Democrats on the ropes analysis by the usual gang of pundits.

    • The problem I forsee is that there’s just going to be too much unrest outside of these rallies (and inside, for that matter) for anyone to be able to ignore it. People are going to protest, loudly, and they’re gonna infiltrate the rallies, and Trump is going to be incapable of saying shit that’s not incendiary and detrimental to his cause. All eyes are on him, and a media that’s willing to hold Trump accountable even 5% more than they previously have is still better than nothing.

      • I think you’re right that he isn’t prepared for protests, although at this point I think he’ll settle for anything that changes the topic from coronavirus and unemployment. I think his big problems is that he can’t make those go away from the public’s concerns, even if the Media wants to help him.

        Other countries have been able to do much better, but Trump’s own nature — and the nature of the GOP — makes it impossible for him to handle them. They will keep haunting him.

  3. To get a ticket you have to sign a waiver that if you get covid from attending they are not liable.
    so none of these people are able to see that if the virus isn’t real like cheeto said then there is no need for a waiver, therefore cheeto lied. That level of stupid scares me.
    And they know damn well the significance of the day and location, it’s all part of the stick it to the libs playbook, the most pathetic juvenile reason to do anything ever.

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