Let me say from the start that I am NOT a technophobe. Technologies of various and sundry forms can be all manner of good, convenient, productive, fun and pleasantly distracting. However, not everything needs a technological “improvement.” Having problems with your credit/debit card numbers getting stolen? Try cash. Trouble with your smart locks getting hacked? Try…keys. It is an axiom that you can choose either convenience or security, but you can’t have both in their maximum form. The more of one you want, the less of the other you get.
So, it is with great trepidation that I read the NPR story about the new-fangled app that the Iowa Democratic Party will be using to tally their caucus results. Aside from all of the possible reasons why this isn’t a good idea, the one that stood out to me most is the fact that this app is going to be used on people’s personal phones because, you know, everyone is totally on top of their personal digital security, especially when using smartphones.
If they blow this thing and wind up having to retract the initial winning announcement, like Steve Harvey at the Miss Universe Pagent, then the entire primary process will be fucked–at which point we can probably kiss the general election goodbye as well because the public’s confidence will be completely shot. So, without putting too much pressure on the Iowa Democratic Party…just remember guys: the literal fate of our Republic and the entire world rests on the hope that you won’t fuck this up.
The winner of the Dem Iowa Caucus will be Seymour Butts and the runner up will be Vladimir Putin.
Caucusy McCaucusface
I legit LOL’d. I love a good Boaty McBoatface reference. I am 12…
What could go wrong? Biden wins in a landslide, Wikileaks comes out with emails stating this app predetermined a winner to keep out Bernie or Elizabeth and all the young people refuse to vote. Trump wins again & unless an alien invasion saves the planet, we all die! I’m going back to bed.
Anything with word ‘smart’ in front of generally indicates otherwise, when it comes to apps.
Smartvote – can you see it?
Votr
Eleczn
Smrtvote
Freedumb
“Trouble with your smart locks getting hacked? Try…keys.”
That made me LOL for some reason.
That aside, I’m totally with you. Also like…ok, I think technology improves things most of the time, but IT NEEDS TO STAY THE FUCK OUT OF ALL VOTING.
…how many times over do reports have to find that an autiable system of hand-marked paper ballots is the least hackable method before they quit trying to smart-ify the whole thing?
…& how many patents on hackable voting machines produced in china does ivanka have now – pretty sure it’s several & all since 2016
…not to mention some voting machines can plausibly be induced to alter the paper record they print & the digital ballot without any signal to the voter – then there’s the transmission of the count to a central database to consider
…the whole thing is beyond criminal, you’d have thought…even before anyone meaningfully hacks that shit?
Seriously – and then on top of that, at our current trajectory, how long until Google or someone decides they’re going to make voting apps/machines and…well….that’s not going to go great.