Airlines
“Iâm not sure why itâs my responsibility to clean up their mess. Offering peanuts AND pretzels? Give me a fucking break. Sure, itâs only a few cents a pack but think about how many packs, every day, for every passenger and every flight. A smart business would never have wasted money on a luxury like that. If you donât have the money, donât buy pretzels!”
Restaurants
“You have to be responsible about having a menu. I know, people have a soft spot for restaurants, and some of them are just adorable. But look, you just canât have a menu with more things on it than you can afford. Iâm not going to pay for that! I get it, men have a biological urge to spread their menu items everywhere, but women need to tell them no or do something to kill those ideas before they get on the page, if you know what I mean. Close your menu tighter, ladies!”
Landlords
“Three words, guys: Learn to code.”
The Supreme Court
“Will they also be suspending their pay checks and health benefits? No? This is a joke, and they should get real jobs.”
Stock market
“Itâs tough, I kinda feel bad for the people who invested their money there. They’re trying to make something happen, and this country needs that. On the other hand, they did choose to be involved in our financial system, and everyone knows how risky that is. Bad choices can mean bad outcomes, and I donât think we should be helping out people who make risky choices.”
Construction
“Christ, canât these people canât work from home? Get Zoom on your computer, man, itâs not that hard to use.”
Bars
“Oh yeah, right, give me some sob story about how youâre down on your luck and if you just get a few bucks you can turn it around, but you and I both know that money is going right to booze as soon as I turn my back. Pathetic. Get cleaned up, then somebody might help you.”
Hospitals
“OK, fine, I guess this is important. But don’t you dare raise my taxes one cent to pay for any of this â you need to cut something else. I pay enough already, and I shouldn’t have to provide charity just because these places had a tough month. They should have a savings account and be prepared for this!”
Fucking nailed it. This should be the number one post on every news-related site in the country.
Yep, this is right-on. Would add insurance companies.
Free Market Capitalism for thee, bailouts and subisidies for we.
All these companies just need to worker harder. My great grandaddy’s company survived the depression because he worked 28 hours a day, ate old newspaper for breakfast lunch and dinner, and only took a break once a week to beat his wife and children. Now he was a businessman!
“When he contracted the Spanish influenza, he became bilingual.”
Too soon?
Dude this is gold. It almost makes me want to cross a boundary in my life and post to my personal Facebook….
I’ll do it for you. Maybe it’ll spread (wrong word), er, go viral (NOPE), infect others–with this line of thinking (Christ, c’mon!).
Found a Tweet that belongs in this:
HA! I saw that last night too!