Whiskey You Can Drink: Larceny

Welcome to an overdue round of Whiskey You Can Drink, wherein I drink whiskey and tell you about it. While I’m trying to sort this other shit out, why don’t we talk about Larceny, a small batch wheated bourbon clocking in at 92 proof. I paid $25 for this bottle on sale, which is why you can drink it.

As the story goes, Larceny is named for John Fitzgerald, a treasury agent whose name is prominently displayed on the bottle. Due to his position, Fitzgerald had the keys to the rickhouses he monitored, and used them on unofficial visits to pilfer bourbon from the best barrels, which he then sold under his own name. But alas, like many other supposed bourbon “origin stories,” this is probably a bunch of bullshit, as there are several versions of the story and almost every “fact” is in dispute, including which of the many John E. Fitzgeralds is even the correct fucking one. The whiskey itself is said to be aged for at least 6 years, with a mash bill of 68% corn, 20% wheat, and 12% malted barley.

What’s it smell like? I’m picking up some cantaloupe. Don’t look at me like that, I’m just as surprised as you are. Fucking cantaloupe? Where the fuck did I pull that from? Anyway……there is also some brown sugar, tobacco, and sawdust. It’s not that fruity due to the lack of rye.

What’s it taste like? There is the cinnamon and clove typical of a bourbon. A bit of orange maybe, and I’ve convinced myself there is also cherry, but maybe there isn’t. Some honey, and a leathery-type tobacco thing. The flavors manage to be bright and soft at the same time, if that makes any —

“Soft and bright? There’s cherry, but there isn’t? Right. Have another fucking drink, Lemmy.”

Thanks, I think I will. [pours another fucking drink]

Now then, where was I? Oh, yeah. Ahem……………

Should you buy it? Don’t let me tell you what to do with your money. But seriously, put that Maker’s Mark down and walk away. At least with Larceny you won’t have to cut through a half an inch of wax to get to the fucking whiskey.

Will I buy it again? Fuckin’ A. At $25 this is going to be one of my go-to bourbons.



  1. I agree with you, @LemmyKilmister. I drank and enjoyed my bottle of Larceny, then was unable to replace it because the stupid state store had none. I am now drinking Jefferson’s small batch 82.3 proof and have a bottle of Bulleit 90 proof Kentucky bourbon to try next. Have you reviewed either of those? I think you may have done so?

  2. I love the reference to the obviously bogus origin story. People who repeat these things as facts need to remember that distillers have always been marketers too, and weren’t above slapping a fake origin story on a product if they thought it would sell.

  3. At least with Larceny you won’t have to cut through a half an inch of wax to get to the fucking whiskey.

    Damn straight. I will keep an eye out for Larceny.

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