A Simpleton Canadian’s Guide To Winter Sports
Cross country skiing: My parents were active with this for several years. It’s one of the best aerobic sports around. I didn’t enjoy it as much as a kid because I wasn’t fit and I didn’t get the knack for doing the herring bone uphill.
Downhill Skiing: I loved skiing. Not so much a daredevil because I am a big chicken when it comes to heights, but I can manage even on an actual mountain as well as the tiny hills we have in Ontario. Unlike the rest of my family I never blew out my knees skiing.
Tobogganing: Two concussions, bruised ribs and several broken sleds. I still enjoy going down hill on a barely in control sled.
Snowball Fights: Two broken pairs of glasses and one fascist loving billionaire in the back of the head.
Snowmobiling: Best done sober and in daylight.
Ice Skating: I am not sure if my middle aged ankles can survive it. I enjoyed ice skating much more roller skating/blading mostly because I sucked at roller blading/skating.
Ice Hockey: Fine sport. Only one concussion. Best season was playing with a future NHL TV analyst who was once traded for Mark Messier. BTW unlike most Canadian males I openly admit I sucked at hockey.
Ball Hockey: A great aerobic sport best played on a street fill of cars and glass windows.
Figure Skating: I had to learn to skate at the tender age of seven before I could play hockey so I spent two years in figure Skating. I didn’t catch as much grief as I feared but I was the only hockey player in my league that could pirroutte.
Winter Camping: Strictly for the stupid brave and brave stupid. I learned a lot by freezing parts of my young body. Like the difference between a leader and a jackass who showed up to eat our food, lecture us on how not to freeze then leave to watch the Leafs (lose, it was the early 80s and the Leafs were hot garbage during that time frame) during one of the worst winter storms I had the displeasure of seeing.
Finally, Hot Stove Disappointment. Sho me broken dreams. /Cue Price Is Right Losing Horn/
And anything else on your minds.
Still no snow here in tropical Gotham, where it was 59 degrees today and is supposed to go up to 60 tomorrow. I’m starting to get a little concerned. I mean, I know, weather is not climate, and I don’t think I could really maneuver in snow very well, but all the Christmas crap is up in the apartment, the holiday cards with update letters are coming in fast & furious, Better Half’s clients are shipping in loads of
bribes“holiday greetings” (so many Lindt chocolates) so something feels distinctly weird about this.One sister is in HR and she gets loads of chocolates from everyone… My other sister and I think it is because both the workers and the managers think she’ll be nicer to them.
The key to beginning cross country skiing uphill is to grow up in a place so flat there aren’t any hills. That also meant that downhill skiing wasn’t in the cards.
You could add snowshoeing to the list, although that’s so easy and slow I’m not sure it counts as a sport. But it’s fun.
The idea is you’re supposed to make a V, but because I wasn’t the most agile learner I usually made my skies into an X.
As in X marks the spot where I face planted trying to do the herring bone uphill.
Making snow angels and snow skitching are the extent of my participation in winter sports.
And watching others do their thing.
You never skated from Lake Shore Drive all the way to Marquette? I thought that was a Chicago rite of passage.
I would pay money, so much money, to see someone attempt that. Maybe if Chicago ever gets the Winter Olympics.
Years ago parts of the Hudson froze over. That’s amazing to see because it’s not like it’s a sheet of glass, it’s more like big chunks of ice colliding as they take their turns freezing.
But let’s give it up for local hero Scott Holt.
There’s no wrong winter sport. I also like sitting around a warm fire and drinking beer.
I don’t understand why we don’t see important winter sports, such as:
Shoveling out your parking space and putting folding chairs and buckets in the spot to protect your spot.
I’m a “winner” of the how many times you can spin on a slippery winter road without hitting anyone.
My personal best is 2. I don’t want to repeat that again.
When “Supermarket Sweeps” was still on (maybe it still is?) one of my sisters loved watching it and would shout at the TV, “Go for the eggs, milk, and bread!!!” because it reminded her of snow-related decathlons.
Aaannnddd the QB from LSU won the Heisman Trophy this year.
Damn shame, should have been the Washington QB!!
oh yeah! freaking one planker!