You couldn’t make it up… [DOT 29/12/19]

…well, you could – but not so long ago you would have had to reach back a little for a prime minister so linked to the stereotype of a schoolboy.

…which is why we have elections, of course – & didn’t that recently go well for the mother of parliaments?

In fact it may literally be a case of life imitating art…

…because obviously we can rely on a well-informed electorate in a place like that to make a wise and informed selection of the people best-suited to get the job done – that’s what elections are all about, after all – & Blackadder is just television, even if it makes the grade to be art life could hardly be expected to imitate it in the shape of Boris “late for school” Johnson, could it?

Mr Speaker, members of the House, I shall be brief, as I have rather unfortunately become Prime Minister right in the middle of my exams.

I look forward to fulfilling my duty in a manner of which Nanny would be proud.

I shall introduce legislation to utterly destroy three enemies of the State.

The first is that evil dictator, Napoleon Bonaparte.*

[Hear, hear!]

The second is my old geography master, banana-breath Scrigshanks.**

But most of all, sirs, I intend to pursue that utter slob, the Prince of Wales.***

[Hear, hear!]

Why, this year alone, he has spent 15,000 pounds on banqueting Boo! Boo! Boo! 20,000 pounds on perfume Boo! and, most astonishingly of all, an astonishing 59,000 pounds on socks! Therefore, my three main policy priorities are: One, war with France; two, tougher sentences for geography teachers; and three, a right royal kick up the Prince’s backside!


I now put upon the leader of the Opposition to test me on my Latin vocab.

*trans. – “the EU”

**trans. – “Jeremy Corbyn &/or A.N. Other ‘Leader of the Opposition’ (tba)”

***trans. – “cor blimey guv’nor we need to get brexit done & show those toffs who’s boss around here, wot wot…tempus fugit…or fudge-it or what-have-you, what for, eh?”

it’s “Dish & Dishonesty, if anyone has the appropriate clip to hand…

…but don’t worry – it’ll be fine now all that brexit stuff is back on track & the crazies have been sidelined &/or placated, right?

Britain First says 5,000 of its members have joined Tories

…but – you know, that’s no biggie – everything else is fine, like the books are clean & everybody’s whole not in the hole at least, right?

Thousands of people may lose credit cards under new FCA rules

not to worry, though – Brexit will bail out the whole show before February rolls around, right?

Brexit talks: EU chief questions feasibility of Johnson’s time limit

…ah, well – at least that’s only a little island that used to be a big deal & not the foremost power of the western world or anything, right?

Trump condemned for retweeting article that named Ukraine whistleblower

…well, at least it can’t be the end times or the world would be on fire – you know, like the burning bush?

Australia fires and weather: blazes out of control as heatwave expected to peak on New Year’s Eve

…anyone remember what it was like to sleep soundly?

‘It’s as if I’m falling from a 50-storey building’: a year without sleep

…I want to say “it can’t get worse” but if the last few years have been successful to any degree it surely includes cementing my conviction that things can always get worse

…be nice not to let ’em, though.



    • …I feel like that image isn’t quite showing up the way you’d like it to?

      I seem to get some options via the “edit” button that aren’t available in the comment/reply box?

      …nevermind – it’s all there, now…

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