You’ll Never Be Able to Retire, but Hey, Gas is Cheap

Under the far reaching economic visionaries driving our commerce regulation and monetary policies, the US has wisely lashed revenue, increased spending and debt, and cut interest rates during the good times.

It’s brilliant that Obama and his always supportive GOP leaders in congress agreed to raise taxes in 2014 once the economy had mended so that we started running a surplus by 2016 and we’ve been saving lots of money for an emergency. It’s a sign of sheer genius that the Fed has been aggressively raising interest rates and the president used his gut to pressure the Fed to cut interest rates during full employment. Look at all the tools left in the box to respond to the current financial crisis.

So, start writing checks for money directly to every American so that when the crisis ends, consumer demand returns. All that saved up money is a good thing now.

/s And now, for the real story…

I like, many other naïve and poorly studied US citizens, have long based a significant portion of my retirement assets in the managed but still largely speculative stock and bond markets of various US trade exchanges. I do have a healthy gub’mint pension coming and Mrs. Pangaean has significant side hustles, but GOD DAMN, an 18% drop over the last 3 weeks hurts.

In the depths of my despair, I did run across the always humorous and illuminating TruTv’s Adam Ruins Everything video on the same cursory prompt on the problems with market-based 401Ks based on a sit down with the expert, Dr. Teresa Ghilarducci.

As an aside, I have finally receded from our old home in the Kinja-verse. My work admins finally green lighted this website, and the avalanching disappointment of the Root, Jezebel, or Gizmodo was compounded by barely covering the impeachment or now the pending market crash.

This all reminded me of a need that I have. I have a Deadspin/Splintered shaped hole in my understanding of the realpolitik, and Jim Spamfeller’s movement in the Kinja-verse dug it out of me one horrible corporate strategy decision at a time.

Thanks for keeping my seat warm, my fellow Deadspinners and Splinter refugees.



  1. This tweet is like Bush encouraging American’s to vacation a mere 2 weeks after 9/11.

    “Get down to Disney World in Florida,” he declared. “Take your families and enjoy life, the way we want it to be enjoyed.”

  2. I abandoned any hope of retirement years ago. I am pretty well aware that I’ll drop dead of a heart attack the day after Daylight Saving Time starts some day in the future, either greeting people in Walmart (Oh wait, they don’t do that any more, do they) or fulfilling orders at a breakneck pace at an Amazon warehouse.

    • This exactly. My nephew got very mad at me at our last family get together because he asked my why I am always working and investing and my answer was “So your mom and you can live well when I die”. I long ago realized I will never enjoy the fruits of my labor.

  3. Louie Gohmert, presumably the dumbest man in Congress, refused to go into self quarantine because he felt fine (13 days after exposure.)

    I suspect the CoVID-19 virus passed because getting infected by Louie’s stupid wasn’t worth the RNA.

  4. Ugh retirement, what’s that?!

    Here in Louisiana, low gas prices have historically meant job losses – largely blue collar, well-paying jobs (on the oil rigs). The last big drop in oil prices were a bloodbath here – I think it was 2014ish? Shell all but packed up and left (they laid off something like 80% of their workforce, both white and blue collar). People were quick to blame Obama for it. I wonder what will happen if Chevron does the same? Will they be blaming Trump?

    No, they’ll blame coronavirus, part of “God’s plan,” and make fun of people who wash their hands with their dying breath.

    • In Alberta, the tar sands dipshits are shrieking about PM Justin, Greta and anyone but a right winger.

      I should be upset too because gas is low, it makes the cost of charging my electric car relatively more expensive. However, I didn’t do that because of money otherwise I would have bought another gas car.

  5. Well I can only speak for myself, but I’m pretty sure everyone is excited to see you here.

    I can’t even tell you how excited I am. We’re certainly sorry for your loss – a loss that we all share – but the more people like you who join the community here at Deadsplinter makes it feel like less of a loss…sometimes even more like a gain.

  6. The economy was the main thing Trump had going for him, and I heard MBS had something to do with it. So haha. Also hearing something about a bailout for frackers, so double haha on us.

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