Your Guide to the 2022 NBA First Round Draft Picks!

The only draft guide that matters

1903 Women Playing Basketball
Credit: St. Louis Republic, 1903 / https://guides.loc.gov/chronicling-america-basketball

Outlooks for Every Pick

Excitement is high all over America and Toronto! The NBA held its annual draft last night. “But how can I know who all of these players are?” you might ask. Don’t worry — I’m here to help.

So without any more fuss, here are the results for picks 1-30

  1. Orlando Magic – Paolo Banchero. Sure fire All Star for at least ten years. The best pick. Grade: A+
  2. Oklahoma Thunder – Chet Holmgren. Many people had him going #1. Not hard to say he will be a ten-time All Star. OKC has other picks lower in the draft, but smart to know the best player won’t be there later. Grade: A+
  3. Houston Rockets – Jabari Smith. What can you say? Soon to be a legend. Best in the draft. Without a doubt, you’re talking about a guy who will be on the All Star team ten years in a row. Grade: A+
  4. Sacramento Kings – Keegan Murray. Absolute class act. Shines brighter than any other pick. Wow, can he shoot the ball. Ten time All Star, here he comes. Grade: A+
  5. Detroit Pistons – Jaden Ivey. People are talking about how he absolutely will make teams 1-4 wish they had picked him. Not just an All Star, but a guy who will make the All Stars ten times. Grade: A+
  6. Indiana Pacers – Bennedict Mathurin. What were Orlando, Oklahoma, Houston, Sacramento and Detroit thinking when they passed him up? Now, I’m sure Pacers fans think he’s a going to be an All Star 20 times. No way. Let’s be realistic and say ten time All star for sure. Grade: A+
  7. Portland Trail Blazers – Shaedon Sharpe. Not just offense but defense too. Nobody better. All Star? How about more than eight, more than nine, in fact ten times with that honor. Grade: A+
  8. New Orleans Pelicans – Dyson Daniels. Sleeper pick, soon to be more than just a star, but an All Star for ten years running. Without question the best in the draft. Grade: A+
  9. San Antonio Spurs – Jeremey Sochan. If you were grading him just on scoring you’d put him at the top of your list, but this guy can play defense too. We’re talking All Star for a decade. Grade: A+
  10. Washington Wizards – Johnny Davis. All time great. Top player this year, no doubt. Ten times as an All Star, no question. Grade: A+
  11. Oklahoma Thunder – Ousmane Dieng. Sure fire best player picked. For a team that picked #2, why did they wait on this guy? They should forget about even using their other picks. Sure fire ten time All Star too. Grade: A+
  12. Oklahoma Thunder – Jalen Williams. Great rebound from completely blown choice at #11. He’s the guy who is without doubt the best of the draft. Write this down – ten time All Star. Grade: A+
  13. Detroit Pistons – Jalen Duren. 13 isn’t unlucky for Detroit because as far as they’re concerned, Duren is actually #1. Not sure what they were thinking with their #5 pick. He’ll be ten out of ten when the All Star team is picked. Grade: A+
  14. Cleveland Cavaliers – Ochai Agbaji. Every team will be sorry they passed him up, because he’s bound to be the best. Every year for ten in a row, he’s an All Star. Grade: A+
  15. Charlotte Hornets – Mark Williams. How does the best player in the draft fall so far? If you’re Charlotte, you don’t care, because now you have #1. And they’ll be cheering him in the All Star game for ten years running. Grade: A+
  16. Atlanta Hawks – A.J. Griffin. What a steal. This is a guy who will score, defend and pass like nobody else. The best there is. He’s a lock for ten All Star nods. Grade: A+
  17. Houston Rockets – Tari Easton. You have to be good to play in the NBA, so it’s an honor to be the best of all of anyone picked this year like Easton. He’ll be a ten time All Star. Grade: A+
  18. Chicago Bulls – Dalen Terry. He’ll make them all forget Michael Jordan, believe it or not, for ten straight years as he becomes an All Star lock. Grade: A+
  19. Memphis Grizzlies – Jake LaRavia. How did #1 go to #19? If you’re Memphis, you don’t ask, you just thank your lucky stars. And they’ll remember their luck every year for ten years when All Star teams are named. Grade: A+
  20. San Antonio Spurs – Malaki Branham. The Spurs are known for the finding the best player every year, and this year is no exception. Branham is going to be an All Star for ten years. You read it here first. Grade: A+
  21. Denver Nuggets – Christian Braun. Forget about all of those other players – Braun is the best. Will any of them make the All Star team? Who knows, but this guy will be there ten times. Grade: A+
  22. Minnesota Timberwolves – Walker Kessler. The cream of the crop, Walker will actually be running his way to ten appearances at the All Star game. Should have traded the rest of their picks after they got their man. Grade: A+
  23. Memphis Grizzlies – David Roddy. Tops in defense, tops in offense. Need I say more? He’ll be representing the Griz’ on the All Star Team for a decade too. Any team that passed on him earlier dropped the ball. Grade: A+
  24. Milwaukee Bucks — MarJon Beauchamp. In 1969 the Bucks got the #1 pick, and for all intents and purposes this time too. He’ll be an All Star for ten years running. Grade: A+
  25. San Antonion Spurs – Blake Wesley. Top player for sure. No question, he’s a ten time All Star. Grade: A+
  26. Minnesota Timberwolves – Wendell Moore Jr. 25 teams, including Minnesota, blew it earlier because Moore is the one. He’ll prove it by making the All Star team ten times. Grade: A+
  27. Miami Heat – Nikola Jovic. When the dust settles, only one guy can be the best, and it will be Jovic. He’ll show it by being an All Star 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10 times. Grade: A+
  28. Golden State Warriors – Patrick Baldwin Jr. Are we looking at the best player in the draft? Yes we are. And a ten time All Star to boot. Grade: A+
  29. Minnesota Timberwolves – Ty Ty Washington Jr. It’s a mystery how he fell to 29, but Minnesota will take the best player in the draft regardless. He’ll be a ten time All Star. It is written. Grade: A+
  30. Denver Nuggets – Peyton Watson. Well, the last shall be first, because we’re at the last player in the first round, but also the first in terms of quality. Who knows if anyone else makes the All Star team, but it’s a sure thing that Watson will be there ten times. Grade: A+

No first round picks: NY Knicks, Philadelphia 76ers, Dallas Mavericks, Toronto Raptors, LA Lakers, Boston Celtics, LA Clippers, Phoenix Suns, Utah Jazz, Brooklyn Nets. As Paul Newman once said to George Kennedy in the classic 1967 movie, sometimes nothing can be a real cool hand. Sure all of these other teams think they got the best player available this year, but these teams are thinking outside the box. And that’s how you get your ten-time All Stars. Addition by subtraction. 3D chess for the win. Grade: A+

I hope this has been helpful. With the draft, who knows who’s the best, or if any of them will be any good, let alone an All Star. Maybe none of them will do it even once. Only time will tell.

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14 Comments

  1. LOL

    For a moment, I thought you had gone mad. And you did but in a magnificent bastard kind of way.

    This is why I stopped listening to sports radio/watching sports TV.  It made me dumber and angrier as well as focusing on pointless minutia. My rebellion started because of two things… when I started working rotating shift and was too damned tired to watch a lot of sports and when racist oaf/CTE sufferer/hockey loudmouth Don Cherry wouldn’t shut the fuck up/go away while screaming about who’s a REAL Canadian (surprisingly it would include Non Conservatives, Scandanavians, Russians and most non-UK Euros except Italians among the usual non white suspects like Africans, Indians, Caribs and Asians) while his even more brain dead supporters cheered him on.

  2. You had me going too for a minute.  My daughter has never been into the NBA but yesterday while working she texted me to record the draft and wait for her to watch it.  Somehow going to a top basketball school, she has become a huge fan after never having any interest in watching with me in the past.  She has even bullied Chet Holmgren in the cafeteria.  We both watched chanting “anywhere but OKC” and sure enough, he goes to OKC.  Non-NBA fans are probably wondering why we would care?  The OKC team is the stolen Seattle Super Sonics.  To live in Seattle you are required to hate and root against all things OKC.  Plus, Chet played in high school with Jalen Suggs (another Zag) so we wanted them reunited in Orlando.  Chet is waaaaaay to thin to not get killed in the NBA so if I was a GM and drafted him I would require him to live 24-7 with a personal chef & personal trainer.  I would like to say I wish him the best but no, he is dead to me now until he gets traded or leaves via free agency like every other smart player that plays in OKC.

  3. Also, #31 was also an A+, Andrew Nembhard is a very good player and good dude.  He will definitely have an impact for the Pacers though what that means is finishing just outside the playoffs like they do every year.

  4. Knicks have put themselves into a perfect position to get Kyrie Irving, not at his peak, but at his “peak Knick” moment of being insanely overpaid compared to the 30 games he shows up for and 15 that he actually plays hard in. When the Knicks trade for him and give him a new contract I will just have to stop watching them for a while, cause I am not supporting a flat earth any vaxxing spoiled brat (I usually back players but he’s just too much dumb for me.)

    • Great comment! A+

      But seriously, I bet you’re right that Dolan is in love with Irving. He seems to have given up the Jalen Duren pick solely for the purpose of clearing a fraction of money off of his roster. He’ll lock up a ton of his payroll for years for 30 year old Irving and wreck the team for another decade.

    • You confused me for a moment when you mentioned “Peak Knicks”  as it is my understanding with Dolan in charge “Peak Knicks” approaches infinity.

      Then when I noticed HIS (as in Kylie’s) “peak Knicks” moment then it all made sense.

      Some things are made to go together like chocolate and peanut butter. Kylie to the Knicks makes sense. Feels right. Feels like the uber Dolan kind of move that solidifies the clusterfuck known as the Knicks.

      I grew up as a Leafs fan with Harold Ballard as the owner so I know pain which is partially why I finally dove off the Leafs S&M bus and ran away screaming over a decade ago despite their recent attempts at respectibility.

      A brilliant piece on the Knicks

  5. I just watched it to see who the Spurs drafted. After doing so, here is what I learned about the player the Spurs drafted:

    1. Dyes hair different colours

    2. Reminds talking heads of Dennis Rodman because (see #1)

    Ok, great…thanks…but does he rebound like Dennis Rodman?

  6. I’m someone who doesn’t really watch basketball at all and let me tell you this entire post could be made up – including all the people names and even some of the team names (I only know some teams) and I’m like huh okay this sounds legit appreciate the summary so I have a passing understanding of it all…

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