Exclusive! What Everyone Needs to Know About This Year’s Hockey Draft
Here at Deadsplinter we spare no effort to cover the NHL. Months of reading, study of tapes, and analysis plus over 150,000 miles in travel and $250,000 in travel budget went to prepare this draft guide.
And then right as we were about to publish, Rogers demolished internet service for millions of Canadians. What a fiasco! Rogers is as useless as Facebook! But did that stop Deadsplinter? No, we persevered through it all to bring you this essential guide.
So without further distractions, get ready for the best NHL draft guide in the world!
1. Montreal Canadiens — Juraj Slafkovsky
Roy. Lemieux. Richard. Slafovsky. Les rois du hockey!
2. New Jersey Devils — Simon Nemec
Un homme? Non, un dieu! Le roi du hockey!
3. Arizona Coyotes — Logan Cooley
Zut Alors! Le roi du hockey!
4. Seattle Kraken — Shane Wright
Tres tres tres tres tres tres splendide! Le roi du hockey!
5. Philadelphia Flyers — Cutter Gauthier
Superbe! Le roi du hockey!
6. Columbus Blue Jackets — David Jiricek
O Canada! O Jiricek! Le roi du hockey!
8. Detroit Red Wings — Marco Kasper
Le dieu du hockey est arrive! Le roi du hockey!
9. Buffalo Sabres — Matthew Savoie
Les Sabres dit merci beaucoup, merci mille fois! Le roi du hockey!
10. Anaheim Ducks — Pavel Mintyukov
Quatre mots: Le roi du hockey!
11. Arizona Coyotes (from San Jose Sharks) — Conor Geekie
Le roi du hockey? Oui, le roi du hockey!
12. Columbus Blue Jackets — Denton Mateychuk
Merveilleux! Le roi du hockey!
13. Chicago Blackhawks (from Montreal Canadiens) — Frank Nazar
Pas un homme. Le roi du hockey!
14. Winnipeg Jets — Rutger McGroarty
Incroyable et superbe. Le roi du hockey!
15. Vancouver Canucks — Jonathan Lekkerimaki
Les Canucks sont tres tres tres heureuse! Le roi du hockey!
16. Buffalo Sabres (from Vegas Golden Knights) — Noah Ostlund
Noah Ostlund? Noah Ostlund! Le roi du hockey!
17. Nashville Predators — Joakim Kemell
Sans aucun doute: Le roi du hockey!
18. Dallas Stars — Lian Bichsel
Fantastique! Le roi du hockey!
19. Minnesota Wild (from Los Angeles Kings) — Liam Ohgren
Voila le roi du hockey!
20. Washington Capitals — Ivan Miroshnichenko
Ici: Le roi du hockey!
21. Pittsburgh Penguins — Owen Pickering
Fantastique! Le roi du hockey!
22. Anaheim Ducks (from Boston Bruins) — Nathan Gaucher
Jean-Phillip Rameau — Le roi du musique. Nathan Gaucher — Le roi du hockey!
23. St. Louis Blues — Jimmy Snuggerud
Incroyable! Le roi du hockey!
24. Minnesota Wild — Danila Yurov
Oui! Oui! Le roi du hockey!
25. Chicago Blackhawks (from Toronto Maple Leafs) — Sam Rinzel
Un miracle! Le roi du hockey!
26. Montreal Canadiens (from Calgary Flames) — Filip Mesar
Montreal est beni! Mesar est le roi du hockey!
27. San Jose Sharks (from Arizona Coyotes) — Filip Bystedt
Bystedt est le roi du hockey! Le roi du hockey!
28. Buffalo Sabres (from Florida Panhters) — Jiri Kulich
Kulich! Kulich! Le roi du hockey!
29. Arizona Coyotes (from Edmonton Oilers) — Maveric Lamoureux
L’amour. Le roi des emotions. Lamoureux. Le roi du hockey!
30. Winnipeg Jets (from New York Rangers) — Brad Lambert
Fantastique! Incroyable! Le roi du hockey!
31. Tampa Bay Lightning — Isaac Howard
Monsieur Howard est le roi du hockey!
32. Edmonton Oilers (from Arizona Coyotes) — Reid Schaefer
J’ai oublie Gretzky — Schaefer est le roi du hockey!
Final Thoughts
Well, there you go. Tough but fair. There really is no better analysis out there. That’s the Deadsplinter difference for you.
Excellent draft breakdown. I want to go on record that I’m not crazy about the Blackhawks’ pick, but they’re trying to do a half-assed rebuilding, so nothing they do is going to make me happy.
Merci! Vous etes le roi des commenters!
Et le collier de chien bleu est le roi des analystes du hockey!
Uh, “omlette du frommage”?
Today I learned that the NHL has a draft. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I like the looks of that one white, foreign guy. Should have a long career ahead of him.
For whatever reason, the funniest part of that movie for me is when Reggie walks in on the Hanson Brothers and finds himself speechless when they’re playing with slot cars.
Lotta great scenes in that movie.
Maveric Lamoureux?
Kid’s either gonna take my breath away or end up on the highway to the danger zone of bad names.
I’m impressed you made it that far down the list. I was tempted after #18 to just Ctrl C Ctrl V it the rest of the way.