Guten Tag, meine Damen und Herren! I see that FYCE doesn’t seem to have addressed Wiener Schnitzel. Well, I’m here to remedy that. It’s very simple; it’s just deep fried veal in a coating of bread crumbs. I’d be willing to bet that most of you don’t eat veal, so you can also do this with chicken breasts, pork slices, or beef slices. If you’re vegetarian, you’ll need to make tempura. That’s not difficult either but this is not that.

I got this recipe years ago from Epricurious. Luckily for me it is now online so I didn’t have to read my faded photocopy and could steal the header image. The author is one Kurt Gutenbrunner, and with a name like that I was sure he knew his way around a good Wiener Schnitzel. I have had Wiener Schnitzel in Vienna itself (“Wiener Schnitzel” means “Viennese cutlet”) and this tastes exactly as I remember it.

Kurt’s last name is a good German one, by the way. Like some English names it is derived, probably centuries ago, from a place. Think of author Jack London, who was born in San Francisco. Herr Gutenbrunner’s name loosely translated means “good [person from present-day] Brno,” which is a city in the Czech Republic/Czechia, but was for centuries part of the Austro-Hungarian Empire.

Herr Gutenbrenner says this serves 4, but Better Half, The Ravenous Hound, and I would have no problem polishing this off by ourselves. It will serve 4 if you accompany with potatoes and a salad.

1 cup all-purpose flour

3 tsp. kosher salt, divided, plus more for seasoning [seasoning optional; I don’t]

2 large eggs

2 tbsp. heavy cream

2 cups fine plain dried breadcrumbs [you may need to crush these or even grate them, depending on what you buy. You can also grate day-old bread or even better crusty rolls.]

1/2 lb. veal scaloppine or eye round, cut across the grain into 4 equal pieces

Freshly ground black pepper [again this is for seasoning; I don’t]

2 cups vegetable oil [I have a German recipe for W S but the translation from German to English and from metric to imperial proved to be too much. It says to use sunflower oil. Just sayin’. I use vegetable.]

3 tbsp. unsalted butter

1 lemon, cut into 4 wedges

Line a baking sheet with two layers of paper towels, because dredge you will in this recipe. In a bowl (I have a large cereal bowl I can use for stuff like this) whisk the flour and 1 of the the 3 tsp. salt and put it on a plate. Using that same bowl, mix together the breadcrumbs and the other 2 tsp. of salt. Put that on another plate. Now, using that same bowl (wipe with paper towel between stages, by the way) lightly whisk together the eggs and the cream until the eggs are “just streaky.”

Now take your veal slices (or chicken breast, or pork or beef slices) and put them between two pieces of plastic wrap and pound them really thin, between 1/16 and 1/8 inches. If your supermarket has a decent meat counter, or better yet if you have a butcher, describe what you’re trying to do and they can help you out. All kinds of recipes call for flattening meat so this will come as no surprise to them. Shake a little more salt on them and a little pepper if you want.

In a deep skillet heat the vegetable oil to 350 degrees. Herr Gutenbrunner has a deep fry thermometer. I do not. I really should get one because I do an awful lot of deep frying for someone who doesn’t make fried chicken at a fast food outlet. You’ll know the oil is hot enough when you dip in a wooden spoon or wooden chopstick and some bubbles appear. If you only get one or two bubbles, or no bubbles at all, the oil’s not hot enough yet. If you get a mad frenzy of bubbles the oil is too hot so turn down the heat. 

Once the oil reaches its ideal state, add the butter. This will temporarily lower the temperature so heat some more and, using another wooden implement, test again. You don’t reuse the first one because it might have retained enough heat to give you a false reading.

Your veal will be quite large and very thin at this point so carefully, so you don’t tear it or break it apart, dredge it in the flour plate first. Herr Gutenbrunner wisely observes that your veal will indeed be large so do this two pieces at a time. Shake off excess. Now you have to dredge the duo in the egg, and if you use a cereal bowl this is a PITA but it’s what I have. If you have something wider and shallower that would be better. Try to coat and let the excess drip off. Then onto the breadcrumbs they go, and you should “press to adhere,” and again shake off the excess.

Put them in the skillet and deep fry in the oil for about 1 minute. The coating will start to brown and puff up a little bit. Very carefully spoon over the hot oil to baste. Turn them over and do the other side, again for about 1 minute. Put these first two on the paper towel and repeat with the other two. The schnitzels should look a little curled and crispy.

Say this serves 4. Put a Schnitzel on each plate and each gets a lemon slice. This is traditionally garnished with parsley. While I’m schnitzeling I roast baby potatoes and coat them with butter to accompany. To my mind the lemon is enough healthy but sometimes I make a cucumber salad, or a tomato-and-onion-slices salad in a vinegar dressing to go with.